Self-help Articles

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

I'm going to assume from your question that you are talking about a relationship which ended badly for you. The main theme for "falling out of love" under such circumstances is the theme of healing.

You might want to consider the following:

1. Be aware that you have some grieving to do. Even if the relationship ended in anger, it is still a loss.
2. Part of the grieving process involves getting some clarity in two areas: a. an honest assessment of your role in the problems; b. acknowledging that which you did well in the relationship.
3. Be compassionate with yourself. Say some affirmations. Do an act of kindness for yourself. Nurture yourself a little.
4. Do some journaling. Write angry letters that you don't mail
5. Don't be in a big hurry to get into another relationship. Take some time to heal.

There are times when you still love a person but you are not "in love" with them. Perhaps you have been drained by the relationship and are "out of love" for just that reason.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.