SelfhelpMagazine

by M.E. Peychers, M.A.

You may be thinking that an online group would be more trouble than its worth. Well, I think they're wonderful, but only if you choose your group carefully.

We will provide you with some online tips to make your group experience more helpful. If one group doesn't seem like your kind of people, why not resign and try your luck elsewhere?

It is possible that people who have run into difficulties while using health groups were just unfortunate. The people you find there are much like the people you meet in real life, except most share your health concerns.

Accept that every group will always be a mixed assortment, and you are never going to get along with everyone. Despite that, you should be perfectly safe on the internet if you use common sense and caution.

Here are 7 keys to enjoying your online group:

1. Guard your privacy. Never give out more information than you would feel comfortable revealing to a stalker (Jaishankar & Sankary 2005).
2. Accept that you won't really get to know people you encounter on the boards unless you develop a private friendship with them by phone or email. Be nice to everyone, but befriend only those you would be happy to invite into your real life. Get to know the genuinely good people and steer clear of the rest.
3. Stay kind, stay caring, but don't get emotionally involved if someone posts stories that seem wildly dramatic. They might not be true (Feldman 2000; Bernstein 2002). Always remember this is only the internet. It switches on and off with your computer. When you pull the plug, it's gone.
4. Look for a group where people are open-minded and tolerant to ideas expressed by others. It's good to see people writing "maybe," "perhaps," "in my opinion," and "you might be right."
5. If someone posts about a remedy you think is bogus, remember that sometimes a treatment works for some, but not others. No one can explain why, so don't stress out about it.
6. If any of your messages are ignored, don't take it as a snub. It might just be that no one has anything new to offer. There is never any guarantee that readers will know the answer to any of your questions.
7. If someone hurts your feelings, consider whether it might have been accidental. If you feel nervous about what the response might be to any of your posts, something is wrong. If you feel drained, or think you're putting in more than you receive, go take a break.

An online group is composed of many different people. Those with health challenges can sometimes be less patient and more self-centered. Some members may want everyone to follow their health regimen. Use common sense when reading online tips from others.

References:
Bernstein, A.J., (2002): Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry. New York, McGraw-Hill

Feldman, M.D., (2000): Munchausen by Internet: detecting factitious illness and crisis on the Internet. Southern Journal of Medicine, 93, 669-672

Jaishankar, K., Sankary, V.U., (2005) Cyber Stalking: A Global Menace in the Information Super Highway. The Online Quarterly Review of Crime, Ethics and Social Philosophy (ERCES) Vol 2, Issue 3