SelfhelpMagazine

by Patricia Pitta, Ph.D., A.B.P.P.

This is a very good question. When a long time relationship ends, both members have grieving to do. The one who chose to end it may have made the right decision, but it's still a loss.

Grieving involves sadness and anger and can't be hurried -- and it takes some people longer than others to do the emotional work. Also, sometimes part of the grieving happens before the couple has officially ended their relationship -- that's because one or both of them may have realized it was over long before the public ending. I really can't give you a recommended time for grieving.

What I suggest you do is look at whether your new friend is still expressing anger, sadness, or other strong feelings about the breakup and, if so, if she's able to recognize those feelings and deal with them. Emotional health isn't necessarily being done with a process: it's having the ability to recognize what you're feeling and respond in a healthy way.

About the Author:

Dr. Patricia Pitta is a clinical psychologist practicing in Manhasset, New York, for more than 20 years. She is a Diplomat in Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association and an Approved Supervisor of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Pitta is also the President of the Long Island Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.

She has created a treatment modality that enables the partners to accept responsibility for their parts in relationship problems leading to resolution of issues without getting stuck in blame. She encourages self growth which enhances couple growth and family development.