Self-help Articles

by Dr. Al Cooper and Dr. Coralie Scherer

When partners are in long-term, comfortable relationships they can easily slip into patterns of love making that work well for long stretches and then, inexplicably, don't. While it is certainly a natural part of lovemaking to take cues from our partner's arousal to heighten our own, sometimes we can over-rely on that feedback.

In addition, as men and women march on toward middle age and beyond their overall drives for orgasm lessen. However, the appreciation of sensuous pleasure lingers. This is normal and inevitable and can greatly enhance the sense of intimacy that partners share.

So the Cyberspace Sex Docs recommend another shift in focus as you and your wife march into this next phase of sexual delight: make pleasure the goal rather than orgasm by having fewer "eyes right" to your spouse and more "eyes inward" to your own pleasure responses.

About the Author:

Dr. Al Cooper, was the clinical director at the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre (408-248-9737) and ran the training program for Counseling and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper was internationally known for his work in sexuality.

Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital therapy.