SelfhelpMagazine

by Larry Rosen, Ph.D.

Parenting the Net Generation
My 15 year-old daughter and I arrived home from her school. I made a quick cup of coffee and by the time I walked into her room she was talking on her cell phone, had a book open on her lap, the television was on, and she had eight windows open on her computer. One window displayed her MySpace page; another was doing a Google search for a school project, while the other six were instant message screens.

I watched for a few minutes while she bounced seamlessly from one conversation to the next, all the while singing along with a song playing on her iPod and glancing every once in a while at a show she Tivo’d the night before. I honestly don’t know how she lives at this seemingly frenetic pace.

It’s hard for me to understand her lifestyle because I am a Baby Boomer and she is a member of the newly emerged MySpace Generation. We co-exist in the same world. We use the same technology. But the similarities end where the multitasking begins. As one 14-year-old MySpacer so aptly told me,

I don’t understand how anyone can just do one thing at a time. I would be like so majorly bored and probably fall asleep. My mom yells at me all the time to turn off the TV and put away my iPod so I can do my homework. I am doing my homework and I can’t imagine not listening to music and talking to my friends at the same time. She just doesn’t get it … and she never will. We have the same fight every day. It’s not like I’m not doing well at school. I’m getting great grades. She says she’s proud of me but then she won’t let me be and do it my way.

Multitasking is but one way in which MySpacers differ from the two previous generations, Baby Boomers and Generation X. In this chapter I will share some common and distinctive features of these three generations. It is important to mention that not everyone in any generation acts, thinks, and feels the same. Clearly, your own experiences may be different from those whose thoughts will be highlighted in this chapter.

Over the past few years, the Kaiser Family Foundation and the Pew Internet & American Life Project have studied thousands of American children, teens, young adults, and their families. Researchers from Carnegie-Mellon University, MIT’s Media Laboratory and nearly every major university in the United States have chronicled generational commonalities. My own research with MySpacers reveals that they are indeed qualitatively different from earlier generation because they are the first generation to be born into a technological world where nearly everything is computerized. To the extent that generalizations can be made from these data, they are made in the interest of presenting “typical” members of each generation which will help understand how your children are so different from you in the ways that they consume technology and other media.

We are in the midst of the three most distinct and qualitatively different generations in history and it is all due to the rapid emerging prominence of technology. At one end are the Baby Boomers. Born after World War II between 1946 and 1964, Boomers are the current political leaders, business CEOs, middle managers, and shop owners. The oldest Boomers just turned 60 and many will retire in the next five to ten years.

Although multitasking is a major feature of the MySpace Generation, they were not the first generation to multitask using technology. That honor belongs to Generation X. Generation X children, born between 1965 and 1979, are now approaching their late twenties and early forties. They were born before the Internet was a household word. Then came the MySpace Generation. Born after 19eight0, many MySpacers know no world without 500 television channels. The web is their major source of amusement and information and they would be lost without a cell phone.

To understand what the MySpace Generation faces in their technological world, it is important to compare their attitudes, values, and behaviors to the two prior generations. In some ways, they are no different than their parents’ generation but in many ways they are unique. Those characteristics that best highlight these similarities and differences are presented in the Table 2.1 which summarizes personal values – trust, family, political orientation, communication preferences – and work-related values including career aspirations, work ethic, leadership styles, and workplace motivation.

As a prime example of some of these qualitative differences, in one of my interviews I was fortunate to talk with three family members, each representing a different generation. Ron, 60 years old, is the vice president of finance for a national chain of lighting stores. His son Jackson, 40, owns his own computer repair business while his daughter, Janae, 19, is a sophomore in college. I spent an hour talking with all three in Ron’s home during Janae’s spring break and the following exchange typifies the generational differences. I asked them to tell me about their career decisions:

Ron: My dad barely graduated high school and worked on a loading dock for nearly 40 years. From when I was about 5 he told me that I needed to get good grades to get into college. There was never a question about whether I wanted to go, I was expected to go. I got my bachelor’s degree and then went on to get an MBA. Went to work as an accountant and worked my butt off and paid my dues to get to where I am today. It was a lot of 60 hour weeks but it was worth it. I’m in charge of the entire western U.S. and have an office on the 20th floor with a view of all of the city.

Jackson: I got my first job right out of college working for a friend of dad’s programming his computers. He wanted me to stay on and maintain the network but frankly I was bored. I tried a couple of other jobs but none of them really turned me on until I went to work for a computer repair company. I liked the work and my boss, who was close to retiring, pretty much put me in charge and let me do my own thing as long as the work got done. When he retired, I bought the business.

Janae: I’m only a sophomore so I don’t have a career. I started college as undeclared but I really liked my political science class so I thought I’d take another, more advanced, course and I really liked it so I declared poly sci as my major. But now my dad thinks that I might try a double major in history and poly sci so I’m taking a history class, too. I trust his judgment since he has had a lot of business experience.

I’m not sure what I want to do when I graduate but I know it has to be something I can really get into with people I trust and like. I’m thinking maybe about working on a campaign for my local congresswoman cuz some of my friends are going to work for her, too. But I am open to choices and figure that I can always try something and if I don’t like it I can find something else more interesting.

The differences in career choices between Ron, Jackson and Janae provide a typical example of generational differences. In order to better understand these differences, it is important to look at how each generation faced their own personal growth challenges.

Ron, a Baby Boomer, told me about his upbringing and how he felt that his parents shaped his values and goals. “There was no doubt in our family that all three children would go to college. There was also no doubt that we were to succeed and create comfortable lives for ourselves. My parents struggled to make ends meet. They didn’t want us to have to do the same. We were primed to find a profession that would make us a good living so that we, and our children, would have advantages that my parents did not enjoy.”

Ron’s parents are fairly representative of the Silent or Traditionalist Generation. This upbringing created a generation who were both idealistic and competitive. While the Silent Generation had only radio as their source of media when they were teenagers, Baby Boomers grew up with television and saw, firsthand, the world turn itself upside down as the nightly news followed the war in Vietnam, human rights protests, and the Kennedy assassination.

With high parental expectations, Boomers went to college in record numbers and developed a solid social conscience and an arrogant, selfish world view. Often dubbed the “Me” Generation, Baby Boomers questioned authority, and spearheaded the human rights movement, women’s liberation, and a lifestyle many called “sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll.” They questioned authority on nearly every social issue and believed - truly believed - that they could create a new world.

After college, as young adults, most Boomers jumped right into the business world. Unlike some in earlier generations, who were content to start at the bottom and slowly work their way up the corporate ladder, Boomers wanted it all NOW. They invented the 60 hour work week and strove to build an exceptional career.

Even when they attained major positions they continued their hectic work schedule, constantly striving for more prestige and recognition. Their title defined them and their lives were vastly affected by their attempts to get to the next rung. They even invented job titles to signify their success. The grocery checker became an “assistant manager” while the manager became an “assistant to the district supervisor.” Everyone wanted a title that said “I am important!”

With such a drive for business success, many Boomers had little time for “fun.” Vacations were limited to two weeks a year and so much was crammed into those 14 days that they needed a vacation to recover from their vacation. Family dinners often saw an absentee father who was either still at work or doing work he had brought home. When extra income was needed to support a lifestyle commensurate with a new job title, moms joined the workforce in droves.

Family dinners drifted away and school children arrived home to a snack in the refrigerator, and a parentless home. Like previous generations, Baby Boomers wanted the best for themselves and their children but they seemingly forgot how to have fun. Interestingly, however, as they move toward retirement, Boomers are realizing that they missed out on life and are rallying to regain their lost youth.

Only 46 million children were born between the years of 1965 and 1979 making Generation X by far the smallest of the three generations. However, what they lack in numbers, Gen Xers have made up for through their creativity, high energy, and frenetic lifestyle. As latch-key children, many Gen Xers grew up with free access to entertainment technologies.

Before doing their homework, and while parents were not there to supervise, many children happily occupied themselves with television, video games, and computers. Having been reared on Sesame Street, it was only a short leap to VCRs, cable TV, videogame consoles, and 24-hour entertainment. Many Gen Xers grew up attached to their game boys and MTV.

Gen Xers were the first generation of children to be spoiled and indulged by their parents. Their Baby Boomer parents were the progeny of a generation that had little money and few possessions. Any money the Silent Generation earned was needed to survive. Perhaps out of guilt for not being there during their childhood, or maybe as a way to spend their hard-earned excess money, Baby Boomers indulged their children with material goods. Their children may not have had a parent home after school, but they certainly had enough toys to keep them busy.

Following a generation where revered institutions crumbled under scandal after scandal, Gen Xers were inherently skeptical of politicians, business leaders and even their sports and music idols. With all their freedom, Gen Xers learned to be independent and self-reliant. As 2eight year-old Devian told me:

When I turned ten my mom and stepdad decided that they no longer needed the nanny to watch me and they let me be home alone after school. As I remember, I felt proud since I was the first of my friends to get a key and run of the house. My best friend, who hated his stepmom, came home with me and we hung out and ate junk and had a blast. Many days mom would work late and Jack (my stepdad) would be out of town so I made us dinner.

My grades went back up so my mom was happy again. For eight years, all through middle school and high school, I felt like the man of the house. When I started college my roommates had no clue about living away from home so I became the dorm dad. I guess I really had to grow up fast and maybe it was too fast but I don’t know how fast is too fast.

Many Gen Xers, like Devian, had to grow up quickly and, for many, without as much parental involvement as in earlier generations. Parental influence, or lack thereof, can be understood by examining early research on infants’ attachments to their parents. Psychologists Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby developed Attachment Theory, the idea that connections to parents at an early age can explain how many children develop a secure base from which to form close relationships.

Ainsworth studied how children reacted when in the presence of their mother or a stranger and, particularly, when the mother left the room and the stranger remained. Ainsworth found that children could be classified as having one of three attachment styles—secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent insecure attachment, or anxious-avoidant insecure attachment. In Ainsworth’s studies, a securely attached child was comfortable exploring his/her world when the mother was present, was upset when the mother left the room, and happy when she returned. According to Attachment Theory, the child had developed a secure base to turn to in times of stress or need. It is precisely the development of this secure base that helped Gen Xers develop their values about family and relationships.

In Ainsworth’s studies, children with either of the two insecure attachment styles—anxious ambivalent and anxious avoidant—were either distressed in the presence of the stranger, even with the mother present, or ignored the mother and often treated the stranger the same or better than the mother. When the mother left the room, the anxious-ambivalent child was quite upset, but when she returned the child often ignored her. When the mother tried to interact with her child, her attempts were disregarded.

Similarly, when the mother of an anxious-avoidant child left the room and then returned, the child appeared not to care whether the mother was there or not. Considering that many Gen X children spent large chunks of time alone, doing whatever they wanted, it is hardly surprising that they often developed insecure attachment styles with their parents.

Attachment Theory has been adapted by psychologists to explain the development of adult relationships. Securely attached individuals are seen as being better able to develop trusting relationships while insecurely attached people are needy and never sure of others’ caring (anxious-ambivalent) or distant and uncomfortable and ill at ease around other people (anxious-avoidant). Based on Ainsworth’s theory, psychologists have linked Gen Xers’ attachment to a variety of developmental issues.

For example, a recent study by Dr. Tamyra Pierce found that insecurely attached college students had more aggressive thoughts after viewing a newscast about a school shooting than did securely attached students.1 As Gen Xers enter their third and fourth decades of life, we may be seeing the impact of early attachment style on their online and offline relationships.

With all their technology, Gen Xers quickly learned how to multitask. It is no accident that in 1980 the American Psychiatric Association identified a new disorder called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD.2 Because of their multitasking, millions of Gen Xers were (mis)labeled by their parents, schools, and occasionally psychiatrists as having ADHD and were given medication to help them focus on a single task, rather than simultaneously working on many tasks. So many children were on Ritalin that they were often called the ADHD Generation. Years later psychiatrists realized that many of these children did not have ADHD; they were simply excellent multitaskers.

The oldest Gen Xers, now in their late 30s and early 40s, have been in the workforce for many years. Their entry into business was quite a shock to their Baby Boomer bosses. While Boomers worked long hours and literally “lived to work”, Xers wanted a clear separation between work and play.

They were happy to work hard and do their jobs but they wanted to do it on their own terms. As one psychologist told me, “For them life is life, work is work and never the twain shall meet.” Jason, a 32-year-old computer programmer, and a typical Gen Xer, summed it up beautifully when he talked with me. “I told my boss to just give me a project and a due date and leave me alone. He kept asking me to ‘report’ to him every week and it made me crazy. So, I basically stayed up for 72 hours and walked in Monday morning and tossed the completed project on his desk. You should have seen the look on his face. I told him next time he gives me a job he needs to trust me to get the job done and let me do it my way. He couldn’t do it and I left two months later.”

Jason is not unusual when it comes to interactions between Baby Boomer bosses and Gen X employees. For many Gen Xers, if their bosses don’t understand how they prefer to work and give them latitude to do their own work, their own way, then it is time to find another job. As we shall see, the MySpace Generation has extended this need for career flexibility even further than their Generation X predecessors.

While most Boomers have held one or two jobs their entire lives, Gen Xers such as Jason often moved freely from job to job. Unlike Boomers, a “job” does not represent a “career.” It is simply a way to gain experience and then move on to more challenges. Further infuriating their bosses, these new employees expected raises, often within the first six months, or they moved on. Gen X workers also expected praise and recognition from their bosses, perhaps in response to busy, sometimes absentee parents.

Their bosses, however, who had been trained that these honors were to be doled out frugally to encourage hard work among other employees, were hesitant to do so. Vicarious reinforcement, as this is called in Learning Theory, simply does not work for Gen Xers. Lacking proper recognition in their current positions, Gen Xers felt compelled to seek new jobs, sometimes changing employment yearly. It is hardly surprising that 70% of the dot.com companies were started by Gen Xers who preferred to be their own bosses and set their own rules. Gen Xers want to live life want to do it on their own terms.

Tension between bosses and employees often arose around interactive styles. Boomer managers wanted to meet and talk about goals and the process of getting assignments completed. Gen Xers were tired of talking. Many Gen Xers hated meetings with a passion and often brought their techno-toys or extra work. It’s simply an issue of multitasking. A meeting is a “unitask” and Gen Xers are, for the most part, bored doing one thing at a time.

At the first sign of a long-winded speech or intense discussion they phase out and either daydream, fiddle with something, or work on another task. I interviewed Jack, a 49-year-old business executive, and Willie, his 26-year-old son who worked for the same company.

Jack told me that, “I was so upset that Willie annoyed his boss by bringing his laptop to an important meeting.” Willie responded: “He really wasn’t saying anything that he hadn’t already written in memos. There was no reason for me to be there and it was taking time away from my work. I hate meetings. They are such a waste of time. If my boss would just let us work we would get projects done in half the time but we have a meeting nearly every day. What a waste!” When bored at the meeting, Willie chose to multitask to make better use of his time, something that his Baby Boomer father did not agree with nor understand.

While Gen Xers such as Willie became expert multitaskers, the MySpace Generation perfected the art and took it to new heights using a variety of technologies. Toting laptops, cell phones, and iPods, they are rarely seen without technology. Walk across any high school or college campus and it is odd to see anyone who is not either talking on their cell phone or listening to music, or, in most cases, doing both. They simply don’t know how to live without multitasking with their technology.

One recent study showed that within 1/20th of a second, a teenager can determine whether a webpage is worth examining, which is nearly impossible according to current cognitive psychology research.3 If you don’t believe this, watch a 15-year-old fly through web pages. They are almost a blur. I interviewed Lakeisha, a high school freshman, after observing her working on a report in her campus computer center. When I asked her how she knew that she needed to click on a link so quickly, she replied “I just know. I can tell when something is useful or not and I don’t want to waste time on dumb stuff that I can’t use.”

MySpacers are much more experienced with the Internet than Gen Xers and Baby Boomers and they use it in entirely different ways. It is not a tool for them; it is a mainstay in their lives. They do not have to think about how to use the Internet just as many experienced drivers don’t have to think about the act of driving.

From birth MySpacers were bathed in technology. Their toys were computerized and many started using a computer before they could walk. IMing is a verb, not a technology. Live television is a thing of the past. "I Tivo everything. Why should I watch something live and have to deal with commercials? I can fast-forward through them and watch a show when I want to watch it, not when it is shown on TV" one 13-year-old told me.

For this generation, MySpace could not have arrived at a better time. It is the perfect “home base” for children who already spend most of their waking hours using technology. MySpace caters to them by providing much of their electronic entertainment under one roof. It is ingenious and millions of children, teenagers, and young adults are spending two hours a day, seven days a week, on MySpace.

However, judging from front page stories on nearly every media outlet, parents, teachers, and administrators are not so thrilled. According to my research, nearly half the parents were extremely concerned and fearful about MySpace, but many were unaware of how much time their children were spending there.5 These parents expressed strong concerns about sexual predators, cyberbullying, and pornography on MySpace.

Jeff, the father of a 15-year-old MySpacer, told me: “Although I don’t know much about MySpace, I listen to the news and read the papers and quite frankly I don’t know what to believe. My son tells me that nothing bad happens on MySpace and I believe him. But I don’t know how to reconcile his experiences with all the negative news stories.” Jeff echoed the sentiment of the majority of parents in my research studies. They didn’t know what to believe, but they didn’t trust that their children were safe on MySpace.

Even though Gen Xers also used technology at an early age, MySpacers are different. They are much more social, more emotionally open, and happier when online. Even offline, dating has become a group activity. This certainly fits with their virtual lifestyles. They meet at the mall and they meet on the computer.

To them it is all the same. Their friends are often “virtual,” meeting only in cyberspace, and my research revealed that 7eight% of the MySpacers felt that it was easier for them to be honest with their online friends than with their offline friends. For many parents, the fact that their sons and daughters have online friends is a mystery and this is one of the features that distinguish the MySpace Generation from many Baby Boomers and Gen Xers.

MySpacers’ online habits have made them more globally aware and more socially conscious. Their world is in environmental and political chaos. They have seen natural disasters destroy entire cities and imperil countries. Global warming, tsunami, levee breaches, and terrorism are part of their everyday vocabularies.

They watched the twin towers fall over and over on the television. Y2K came and went with a whimper, but they have seen more violence in their young lives than any other generation. Most of those fighting in Iraq are MySpacers. Log onto MySpace and you will see the vast number of servicemen and women posting their thoughts and fears.

To them it is natural to reveal their feelings online, for the world to see. Most Baby Boomers and many Gen Xers are uncomfortable with this open honesty and revealing secrets to the world. This is yet another difference that creates friction between generations. MySpace teens are opening their lives to public scrutiny while their parents are worried about the dangers that this may bring.

MySpacers are also treated differently by their teachers. On the positive side, they are praised for their work and their behavior. Teachers use stickers, stars, and pizza parties for behavior that was expected of children from previous generations. According to B. F. Skinner’s operant conditioning theory of learning, these are excellent strategies for developing good work habits and school success.

Based on his decades of research, Skinner asserted that when you positively reinforce behavior, that behavior tends to increase in frequency. Parents and teachers point to better grades as indicators of the success of positive reinforcement. One such statistic showed that in 196eight, 1eight% of high school students had “A” averages. That jumped to 46% in 2002!6 Based on these figures, one would assume that high school students are studying more, and that is causing their grades to improve. However, in 19eight7, 47% of high school students studied six or more hours per week.

In 2002 that dropped to only 33%.7 Learning theorists would acknowledge that perhaps Baby Boomer and Gen X teachers are artificially inflating grades and that, in fact, what they think they are using as positive reinforcers are often simply rewards. A reward, according to learning theorists, is only a positive reinforcer if it changes behavior. It is possible that teachers are awarding higher grades but MySpacers are actually putting in less effort rather than more effort to gain those grades.

Once MySpacers enter the workplace, this reward strategy runs counter to how their bosses were evaluated when they went to school. Baby Boomers were, for the most part, reinforced by test scores and semester grades. Gen Xers were reinforced by test scores and grades but also by written comments on projects. Because of all their rewards in school, MySpacers in the workforce expect continuous praise and reinforcement, creating a dilemma for their bosses and perhaps lending support for continuous job changes.

Earlier I provided data from the Kaiser Family Foundation showing that MySpacers spend more than 40 hours per week watching television, playing video games, listening to music, and being online.8 This enormous media consumption does not allow enough time for schoolwork, family obligations, sleep, meals, and outside activities without extensive multitasking. Perhaps due to having too much to do in too little time, adolescents consume caffeine at alarming rates.

According to a study by the National Sleep Foundation, three of four teenagers drink one caffeinated beverage – coffee, soda, or power drink – per day and one in three consume two or more, which contributes to their sleep debt.9 In fact, many MySpacers told me that they feel that caffeine helps them do more work in less time by making them shaper and making it easier to multitask.

Don, a 15-year-old, confided that unbeknownst to his parents, he has a Starbucks every morning because: “there is just too much to do in school and coffee helps me focus on my work. I can listen to the teacher and do my homework at the same time. Between fourth and fifth periods I need to get a soda from the machine so that I can stay alert and do my work in class.”

Jordan, his 17-year-old brother, revealed: “I get a Red Bull on the way home so I can do my homework really quickly and then jump onto MySpace. If I don’t drink a Red Bull or something like it I work too slowly to have enough time to go online before I have to go to bed.” Although Don and Jordan feel that their caffeine helps them multitask, researchers are divided.

Overall, the consensus appears to be that while drinking caffeinated drinks does enhance cognitive performance, even on two tasks at the same time, it also induces fatigue and sleeping difficulties in adolescents. More importantly, a recent study in the journal Pharmacology found that as fatigue increases, the benefits of multitasking decrease.10 This suggests that although teens may feel that they are performing better and faster after ingesting caffeine, the bottom line is that in the long run they are paying for this by poorer performance and a caffeine-induced increased sleep debt. While the MySpace generation may thrive on their ability to multitask using technology, their increased use of caffeine diminishes that ability.

Despite having so few hours for anything other than eating, sleeping, and school, MySpacers are encouraged by their Baby Boomer parents – who realize that they themselves work too many hours and have too little recreation – to supplement schoolwork with outside activities. In the Kaiser Family Foundation study, eight to eight year olds spent almost 1 ½ hours in some physical activity and another hour pursuing a hobby or participating in a club.11 Soccer practice after school, coupled with dance lessons, acting in local plays, and other extracurricular activities on the weekend, occupy an already limited amount of “down time” for the MySpacer.

A teenager’s life is often scripted down to the minute and adding in additional activities necessitates more multitasking, often supplemented by caffeinated drinks, to remain awake and alert. Maria, a 14-year-old, told me that she’s thinking of quitting either soccer or basketball because she is so exhausted every night that her grades are dropping.

When I asked her mother about this she said, “I just want her to have all the opportunities that I missed. She is a star on the soccer team and her coach said if she keeps it up she could play varsity and eventually get a scholarship to college. I know she needs to keep her grades up but she’ll have more opportunities to get into college playing soccer than she will getting high grades.” When I looked at Maria for her response she just shrugged.

Overall, the MySpace Generation is defined by their immersion in technology. Many MySpacers are effectively plugged in and turned on during every waking minute. They are nearly always wired, constantly multitasking, and leading rapid-paced lives in a pixelized world that blurs the distinction between real and virtual. MySpacers are intensely curious, self-reliant, assertive, and experiential. They crave novelty and welcome diversity.

They are clearly different than previous generations, but is their captivation by virtual worlds such as MySpace positive or negative? Overall, based on my extensive research, the impact of the MySpace lifestyle on child and adolescent development has been, by and large, positive. Clearly, there may be some potential pitfalls in spending so many hours in cyberspace, and I will explore both these problems and the benefits of a virtual lifestyle, and provide parents with a framework which they can use to enhance the positive developmental impact of MySpace and minimize the threats to their tweens and teens.

Although these children live in a world that those of us from previous generations may not understand completely, and face issues that many of us cannot fathom, this is a crucial period in defining their lives. With the benefit of my research and interviews, and an understanding of psychological and social development, I will help you guide your children through their virtual worlds and make those experiences valuable, positive, and enhancing.

About the Author:

Dr. Larry Rosen is a professor of psychology at California State University and is the co-author of Technostress. He is an international expert on the psychology of technology, writes for The National Psychologist, and has been featured in USA Today, Newsweek, on Good Morning America, CNN, as the expert in parenting Net Generation children, adolescents, and young adults. As quoted by one nationally known parenting expert, “Dr. Rosen brings insights, humor, and a balanced approach to how parents can understand and deal with this particularly challenging phenomenon.” He lives in San Diego, California.