Self-help Articles

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

It is indeed! Name calling has no place in effective fair fighting. It is verbal bullying. In addition, problems are never solved in a relationship without healthy give-and-take.

I would hope that your significant person might be willing to examine these issues with you within the context of counseling. A therapist might be able to help you both learn and practice some rules of fair fighting.

This notion was first developed by George Bach in the book The Intimate Enemy. Couples who manage to deal with conflict effectively usually operate from a set of rules such as "No name-calling," "No violence," and "No dredging up ancient history."

Remember that the goal of a fight is not to win or be right but to negotiate a mutually acceptable solution. Name calling has no place in your arguments.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.