Self-help Articles

by Laura Slap-Shelton, Psy.D.

In our culture we don't allow people enough time to be with their emotions. It used to be a rule of thumb that by the end of two years the should be over. It's now recognized that while the acute stages of mourning may have run their course over the first year to two years, the bereavement process often takes many more years.

The Mourning Period And How To Help A Friend

It is natural to want your friend to be happy again, but you cannot be the arbiter of your friend's happiness. What looks like forward movement to you, may look entirely different from her perspective. If your friend is working, taking care of her children, and participating in a social life she is doing a lot already. When she is ready to try dating again she will.

In the meantime, you can be supportive by listening and not being judgmental. Empathic listening is one of the best gifts we can offer our friends. If you truly feel that she is excessively focused on her husband, you can offer your concerns without giving unwanted advice. But before doing this, please ask yourself what is so important to you about having your friend dating and/or in a new relationship. Sometimes a drastic alteration in a close friend's social status can feel threatening and bring up personal concerns that have been successfully ignored until this point.

You may also want to see if there are any practical ways in which you can help her. By the end of two years many of your friend's sources of support and help during the mourning period that were initially available are likely to have vanished.

About the Author:

Laura Slap-Shelton, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist with a private practice in Biddeford, Maine. She has a specialty in neuropsychology and has published in the field of psychology. In her work, she addresses the needs of individuals who are grieving and also focuses on helping widows in developing countries where tradition has denied them basic human rights. You can reach her by fax at: (207) 282-5895.