SelfhelpMagazine

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

Thanks for writing. It sounds like there are two important questions facing you. One is whether to stay in your marriage, and the other is how your eating disorder might be affecting your sexual feelings.

You asked whether someone who is lesbian or gay can be happy married to someone who is heterosexual and the opposite gender. There isn't any simple answer to that question.

It depends on what you want out of marriage, how your spouse feels about it, and what agreements the two of you have about relationships outside the marriage. If you have friends you trust, people whose opinions you value, it might be helpful to discuss these questions your friends.

You didn't mention whether you are getting any help with your eating disorder via self-help groups or a professional therapist. If you are not already getting help, I strongly recommend you do so.

Eating disorders can be complex and difficult, and no one need deal with them alone. You can get to the Eating Disorders Department for SelfhelpMagazine.com by going to our Articles page and then clicking on Eating Disorders. Your local psychological association or the nearest Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual Center can provide the names of psychotherapists in your area.

You can be happy, just as others are, who are married lesbians with a heterosexual spouse, if that is the path you choose.

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.