SelfhelpMagazine

by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

As you correctly stated, your insecurities may stem from low self-esteem. Despite your own attractiveness, you perceive other attractive women as a threat to your relationship with your husband.

Though you may not be aware of it, you are also implying that you see your husband (and perhaps men in general) as easily swayed by a pretty face. In all probability, this belief stems from either some experiences or beliefs developed at an earlier time in your life.

In addition, there is the further implication that you believe that your husband would abandon you and your children for another woman. These are catastrophic beliefs that in all probability have no basis in fact.

Your imagination gets carried away as you imagine these worse case scenarios. Your angry reactions are not to the specific event -- looking at another woman -- but to the fantasy of being abandoned or rejected.

When With Married Husband, Carefully Assess Your Reactions

The next time you are in a situation with your husband, pay careful attention to your feelings. When you sense that you are about to have your customary angry reaction, pause for a moment to ask yourself what the likelihood of your fantasies becoming a reality.

Do not permit yourself to express your feelings. Instead, challenge your beliefs. Recognize that merely looking at another woman, is not the same as being abandoned, cheating, or any other catastrophic act.

The feelings will pass and you will begin to take control over your reactions. The next step will be for you to get some professional help in developing your self-esteem and discovering where these intense reactions are coming from.

Yes, your married husband finds other women attractive. This should not be a problem, since you express that he has shown his true devotion to you.

About the Author:

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.