SelfhelpMagazine

by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

As I understand your concern, your husband wanted you to quit bartending. You agreed, provided you could return to school.

There was an implicit assumption that he would support you while you were in school and that you would also take care of the house and children. It seems that your husband has reneged on his part of the bargain, that of providing for you.

Finances are one of the leading points of contention in many marriages. The are no rules on how one should deal with money issues in a marriage. Some couples put all of their income in one account. They then decide on how that money will be spent.

Other couples keep separate accounts as well as a joint household account with each partner contributing an agreed upon amount to the household account. Still other couples decide that one partner will control the finances.

Some men give their wives their paycheck and retain an allowance for personal expenses. In some marriages the man controls the finances, giving his wife a household allowance including money for herself.

In all cases, however, the couple should negotiate how they are going to handle money. The decision should be a mutual one where both parties can feel comfortable with the outcome.

Marriage Questions About Division of Labor and Money

Since you are holding down three jobs -- that of student, housewife and mother -- you might want to have a meeting with your husband to discuss your dissatisfaction. How much are you getting "paid" for your housewife and child care services?

If he is unwilling to discuss the matter, then you could decide to get a job, stop doing the housework, and suggest that he participate in the child care and household responsibilities since both of you are working.

I believe in each home there should be an equal distribution of labor and of the family income. Being a breadwinner is no more important than being a housewife or mother. In fact, some may argue that the latter is far more important than the former.

I hope this answers your marriage questions about finances. Opening up lines of communication about money will benefit and strengthen your marriage.

About the Author:

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.