SelfhelpMagazine

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

I wish problems like yours were unusual. Unfortunately, some heterosexual men see women as nothing but sexual objects, and sexual harassment of lesbians at work is too common.

Many lesbian women, I'm sorry to say, have had experiences similar to yours and have reported feelings like yours. You are wise to seek help now. Some of these men just don't "get it" and need to be educated. You however, are the least likely person to be able to successfully get through and educate him. He probably doesn't see you as someone who can educate him, and rather, he most likely just sees you as someone who needs education from him.

What your co-worker is doing is harassment. There are several ways to deal with it:

• You could start by reading a copy of your employer's policies and procedures on sexual harassment. Look for specific instructions regarding how your employer will handle this situation, and procedures for you to follow with your complaint
• You could describe the situation to someone you trust who is in a management position and ask for advice. Your employer's EEOC officer, Director of Human Resources or your direct supervisor would be logical choices.
• If these options do not feel safe, you might try contacting the Lambda Legal Defense at 1-866-542-8336, or visit their website here;
• or seek out one of the other groups that specialize in gay and lesbian legal matters.

• Keep a journal of everything that has been said to you by this man. Include dates, times and verbatim quotes of the words he spoke to you.
• If he ever puts anything in writing, make copies of it, and leave one in your journal, and the other at home.
• If you choose to speak with someone at work, bring a witness with you when you officially speak to someone (if you can).

Treat this seriously until it is resolved. Your co-worker's behavior is unacceptable and should not be tolerated in your workplace.

Once you learn more, you might find even more ways to deal with this specific type of sexual harassment. If you remember us at that time, consider coming back to this website and dropping into our Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans  Community Forum and share your information with other lesbians at work, who might be facing the same challenges. The more we help each other, the stronger our worldwide "community" can become. Oh, that is a good place to post this same question right now, too!

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.