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Easy Way for Straight Man to Understand Lesbian Friend

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by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

 
Question: I'm a heterosexual man and my best friend is a lesbian. I find our relationship very confusing. Sometimes I think she's sexually attracted to me, and I know I feel that way about her. Could she be going straight even though she has a girlfriend?

Thanks for writing. It's easy to see how you might be confused. Sexual attraction is complicated and filled with gray areas.

There are some people who are so completely heterosexual that they never feel attracted to members of the same gender, and some people who are so completely lesbian or gay that they never feel attracted to members of the opposite gender, but most of us are somewhere in between.

Many heterosexual men occasionally feel attracted to other men. Some may act on that attraction, some never do. Similarly, many lesbians occasionally find men attractive and may or may not act on those feelings.

This is a long-winded way of saying your friend may find you attractive, but that doesn't necessarily mean she is going to stop identifying herself as a lesbian. Have you talked with her about your confusion? That may be the best way to handle the situation.

It's nice to see you being thoughtful about your lesbian friend.

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.

Originally published 3/14/98
Revised 11/26/08 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.

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Anonymous
Posted on Sun, 05/31/2009 - 06:47

Iv turned 7 lesbians straight. One of then im in love with and cant get over her, Lost in my heart. All 7 hate men and are not turned on by men, But me... Why would it just be Me? The one i love has been or thinks she has been lesbian for 9 years and not one time has a man turned her on. She was a virgin, not any more and i did nothing. No sweet talking she took me to bed.....Dont get me rong i dont minda it but im just confused why i have this ablility to turn girls straight. With out donig anything, P.S i love nothing like a girl lol!!!