SelfhelpMagazine

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

Thanks for writing. It's easy to see how you might be confused. Sexual attraction is complicated and filled with gray areas.

There are some people who are so completely heterosexual that they never feel attracted to members of the same gender, and some people who are so completely lesbian or gay that they never feel attracted to members of the opposite gender, but most of us are somewhere in between.

Many heterosexual men occasionally feel attracted to other men. Some may act on that attraction, some never do. Similarly, many lesbians occasionally find men attractive and may or may not act on those feelings.

This is a long-winded way of saying your friend may find you attractive, but that doesn't necessarily mean she is going to stop identifying herself as a lesbian. Have you talked with her about your confusion? That may be the best way to handle the situation.

It's nice to see you being thoughtful about your lesbian friend.

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.