SelfhelpMagazine

by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

There are two parts to this question: one has to do with whether pornography is healthy and the other has to do with the nature of the sexual relationship between you and your husband.

Is pornography healthy? Porn is neither healthy or unhealthy. It is simply erotic, sexually explicit material that some people find sexually arousing.

Some people use it as a form of stimulation when they do not have a sexual outlet or fear sexual intercourse because of disease. Others use it as an adjunct to sexual play with their mate.

Just as with any other activity, the "unhealthy" aspects are not in the stimulus but in the manner in which the stimulus is used. Alcohol, for example, is not unhealthy in and of itself. However, compulsive use of alcohol is unhealthy.

The same is true for pornography; if compulsively pursued in lieu of available, safe sex, there may be a problem. If your husband prefers cybersex to normal sex with you, there may be a problem in need of professional help.

It may be that your husband is not finding the sexual relationship satisfying and rather than talking about it, he seeks satisfaction elsewhere. Assuming that you are having regular sexual relations with your husband, and he enjoys cyber-porn, he may be simply adding spice to what he experiences as dull or ordinary sex.

It might be helpful to talk about this with him and see whether you can spice up your bedroom activities. Some couples have found internet pornography a fun and exciting adjunct to their sexual repertoire. It may be that you and your husband have different attitudes about sex that could be discussed.

You can read helpful articles about sex therapy in our magazine.

About the Author:

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.