SelfhelpMagazine

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

The season is here once again. No matter what holiday you celebrate, no matter what you believe, you're being bombarded with exhortations to celebrate, to love, to buy and to give.

The Internet and airwaves are filled with stories about miracles and family gatherings that may be more fantasy than reality. Remember that gifts do not have to be homemade or extravagant to be loving and important.

Here are some suggestions for non-material gifts that capture the spirit of the season.

Give Yourself the Most important Gift

Give yourself the gift of realistic expectations. So many of us understand others are human and imperfect, but forget the same is true for ourselves. Forgive yourself for being human, and for having limited time, energy, and resources.

Give the Gift of Time

Offer to babysit for someone with small children. Go to lunch with a friend you haven't seen in a long time. Plan a special evening with your lover. Take time for yourself.

Give the Gift of Life

If you haven't done it already, fill out an organ donor card and carry it in your wallet. Or go to your local blood bank and give blood.

You can have the satisfaction of knowing you probably saved a life, especially since the holidays are often filled with life-threatening accidents for many people.

Give the Gift of Unusual Sights and Sounds

The world is filled with them, and many are free or inexpensive. Take someone special on a tour. There are lights and decorations everywhere, free concerts at shopping malls, free days at the zoo.

Give the gift of laughter. There's plenty of pain and suffering in the world, and laughter helps us cope. Go frolic on a playground, play with a child and tell silly jokes, take someone to a comedy - move, play, or concert.

Laughter isn't just for kids. Call someone and make it a point to be silly until they laugh. Tell a stupid joke, rhyme something funny, or sing a little tune. Send a silly question to them in email.

Give the Gift of An Open Mind

Having an open mind means trying new or uncomfortable things, even if a part of you resists the idea. New things are difficult for many people, so oh, so worth while! Here are a few ideas to get you pointed in the right direction:

• Listen carefully to someone who disagrees with you. Find something to agree with in their communication, and don't comment on the rest.
• Watch a television show you've never seen.
• Try a new dish.
• Wear something different.
• Say hello to someone who is quietly standing by, saying nothing. Speak to an elderly person in a parking lot. Smile to someone in a window.
• Listen to the words of a song you've always ignored. (You can now look up lyrics to almost any song online through the major search engines.)
• Apologize to someone you know you've hurt - even if they hurt you, too. Be big enough to mend broken fences if the relationship is one worth salvaging.
• Join an free online support group and talk about things you don't normally discuss with other people.

• Give the gift of love. Tell the important people in your life how much they mean to you. When you are on your death-bed, you are not likely to regret having said, "I love you" too often.

Approach the season with an attitude of openness and curiosity. You'll be amazed at how different you can feel - and all for FREE!

With best wishes for the holiday season,

Dr. Gail

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. She speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual issues for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.