SelfhelpMagazine

by Wendy Amstutz-Haws, Ph.D. and Brent Mallinckrodt, Ph.D.

A husband's lack of emotional separation from his parents can make - or break - a new marriage, according to a study on marital adjustment in newlywed couples. While many studies focus on the characteristics of the husband-wife bond, few examine the bonds between the newlyweds and their parents. This eye-opening study does just that.

The researchers surveyed 25 heterosexual couples who were 18-30 years old and had been married between 6-13 months. The couples were asked how much they felt they were psychologically detached from their parents, and how much they had established themselves as distinct individuals.

Each spouse was also asked whether they felt they got along as a couple, whether they were satisfied with the marriage, whether they received enough affection and whether they agreed enough on various issues.

"A husbands' lack of independence from both his parents," said Dr. Amstutz-Haws, "was the biggest predictor for both spouses not adjusting very well to the new marriage. That is, the more the husband relied on his parent's opinions and views, the less happy both spouses seemed.

Both spouses reported higher levels of adjustment and satisfaction in their marriage when the husbands were free from excessive guilt, anxiety, mistrust, responsibility, inhibition, resentment and anger in relation to their mothers in particular. The couples were also better adjusted in their new marriage when the husband possessed a greater ability to manage and direct practical affairs without the help of their fathers."

Freed of emotional baggage from their mothers, and independent enough to make practical decisions without their fathers, young married men and their wives fared better overall. Perhaps every parent of a young couple ought to quietly be given a copy of these findings at the rehearsal dinner?

"We were also able to determine the difference between how men and women separate themselves from their parents and how that affects the marital relationship," said the authors. "Wives' adjustment to marriage seemed to depend on how well the husbands separated from their parents. Whereas husbands' adjustment to marriage depended on how well both spouses separated from their parents' influence."

The American Psychological Association (APA), in Washington, DC, is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world's largest association of psychologists. APA's membership includes more than 159,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 50 sub-fields of psychology and affiliations with 58 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession and as a means of promoting human welfare.