SelfhelpMagazine

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

You've asked some challenging questions. Before I get to them, I want to respond to your request that I not post your address. We *never* post the address of anyone who writes to any Self-Help or Psychology Magazine question-and-answer-department---unless you ask us to do so.

Now to your questions. While I am experienced in dealing with gay and lesbian issues, I do not have experience with transsexual or gender identity concerns. You might want to seek out someone who is experienced for a more informed opinion.

You asked what you can do to "make your boyfriend believe you." No one can ever make someone believe something. What you can do is to act in ways that show him how you feel. By the same token, you can't make him feel more comfortable, but you can do things that help him feel comfortable. I suggest you ask him ideas about what to do.

By the way, I'm a bit concerned that you think he's "absolutely perfect," just because no one is perfect, even the most wonderful of us.

To learn more about Gender Identity Disorder, try joining the alt.transgendered newsgroup. Also, Lambda Rising, the gay bookstore, has a bibliography that includes books like Uninvited Dilemma; Stuart, Kim Elizabeth. Their bibliography describes this book as "A clear-headed discussion of Transsexualism, cross-dressing, gender roles, psychology of transsexualism and socialization of transsexuals."

Hope these suggestions help.

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.