Self-help Articles

By Dorothy Strauss, Ph.D.

Fountain of Youth For Eighty-five and Older Age Groups

Will our aging population bring us a new view of our fountain of youth? While vigor and excellent health may dwindle, age is not the sole determining factor of one's psychological, social, or even physical status. For many, aging provides increased learning opportunities.

Our real age, the one that truly counts, depends upon how we feel about ourselves and what we set out to accomplish. The concept of retiring is being redefined. The idea of just sitting around, putting our feet up and doing nothing is increasingly unpopular. Many people are treating retirement as an opportunity to try new things, and become more attentive to even everyday occurrences.

They take the time to notice their surroundings, and the small things that help them feel better or worse.

Your Emotional Life

Feeling valued, cared about and emotionally attached to someone becomes increasingly significant with the passage of time. Older couples do not hesitate to look for help to overcome sexual problems and often are more open and direct than person's years their junior.

We are well past the days when women looked upon menopause as their "change of life" just because reproductive function comes to an end. As for men, the impact of time upon physical capacity may well include sexual performance; but anxiety can be more damaging than a change in testosterone.

Dissatisfaction with One's Own Sexual Performance Can Lead to Depression

Frequency of sexual contact is less important than the ability to perform in "normal" ways. This problem occurs more often in men than in women during their later years. Erectile and ejaculatory difficulties add to depression, which in turn can complicate the picture and make sexual contact even less satisfying.

Women might attribute their partner's deficiency to their own diminishing sex appeal. This can result in a weakened relationship by creating yet another emotional barrier. Women can also be at the mercy of their own hormonal shifts.

Frequency of sexual contact is less important than the ability to perform in "normal" ways. This problem occurs more often in men than in women during their later years. Erectile and ejaculatory difficulties add to depression, which in turn can complicate the picture and make sexual contact even less satisfying.

Women might attribute their partner's deficiency to their own diminishing sex appeal. This can result in a weakened relationship by creating yet another emotional barrier. Women can also be at the mercy of their own hormonal shifts.

Get Help from a Psychologist or Marital Counselor

Although many older couples are sometimes reluctant to discuss their sexual lives with professionals, once meetings with a professional have begun, couples often are surprisingly forthright and able to express what they might not ever say to one another privately. Professional intermediaries, then, are often just what the couple needs to continue benefiting from closeness, bonding, and the ability to give and receive physical as well as emotional pleasure.

Summary

As life expectancy lengthens, we must learn new ways of aging. We must allow ourselves to experience new things and take the risk of confiding in professionals if we feel barriers in our relationships with our partners, families and friends. Learning can continue and new interests develop. Of primary importance is never to forget that the heart, the pump that keeps us going, is also the symbol of what makes life worthwhile.

About the Author:

Dorothy Strauss, Ph.D. has contributed chapters published in several medical books and articles that have appeared in professional journals. She has also served as Professor of Psychology at the State U. of N.J. and as Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the State U. of N.Y. She is in private practice, supervises therapists, and teaches seminars.