SelfhelpMagazine

by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

It is true that many people are desperate to be in a relationship. Similar to the hungry person who eats almost anything in order to stop the hunger pangs, these people choose to remain with inappropriate mates in order to stop the pangs of loneliness. Once the pangs subside, they find that the relationship is not meeting many of their other needs; hence, they feel dissatisfied.

Choosing an appropriate mate requires that one not act out of desperation. It requires a fair degree of self-knowledge. One needs to understand one's own strengths and weakness, needs, interests, and attributes in order to assess the appropriateness of a match for oneself.

The myth that there is only one perfect mate for each of has to be dispelled. And one must develop a plan for increasing the probability of finding these appropriate people.

It is true that some people find the love of their life by chance, just as some people do win the lottery. However, just as I wouldn't want to base my financial security on whether I win the lottery, I don't think we should rely upon chance to find a mate.

I believe that we should put as much time and energy into developing a strategy for finding an appropriate mate as we would put into developing a blue print for building our dream house, planning for a round the world trip, or find a partner for our business.

Realistic plan to find perfect match or suitable mate

Once we develop a plan based on a realistic assessment of ourselves as well of the type of mate we are seeking, we then have to follow that plan. I believe that poor planning and poor choices account for the 50% divorce rate in this country.

People try to rely upon the methods for finding a mate that may have been appropriate 100 or more years ago when times were simpler and people less sophisticated in terms of what they wanted in a mate. As we approach the 21st Century it becomes necessary to develop new, more sophisticated measures for finding appropriate mates.

My book, Someone Right for You, available at the Amazing Bookstore at this site, develops a step-by-step strategy for finding an appropriate mate. It helps you see that you don't have to find perfect match for yourself. You can be happy with a good mate.

About the Author:

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.