Self-help Articles

by Cathleen Jo Faruque, LICSW, DAPA

This article will examine the changes within the American family system. Three contemporary issues will be examined. These issues are: Single parent families, adoption, and step parenting. These issues have become increasingly relevant in modern American society and impact the development of many American children.

In 1990, single parent households accounted for 23 percent of all Caucasian families, 33 percent of all Hispanic families, and 61 percent of all African American families. Women, the traditional single parent and caregiver of children, head 88 percent of all single households in the United States (NASW, 1995). Even when working full time, over fifty percent of single mothers in the United States have incomes below the Federal poverty level.

Divorce and legal separation have become very common in the United States and in the lives of our nation's children. Between 1960 and 980, the divorce rate tripled. Currently, the U.S. divorce rate is the highest in the world.

Children spend an average of five years in a single parent household. Because single mothers often have low incomes and a lack of support from the absent father as well as a change in family routine, the family often becomes disorganized and minimal parenting occurs. As children react to their less than secure home lives with distress and anger, discipline may become more harsh and inconsistent as the mother tries to recapture control. Fathers who see their children only occasionally are apt to be more permissive and lenient, which often conflicts with the mother's style of parenting and makes her task of managing the children on a day to day basis more difficult.

The cognitive immaturity of preschool age children often makes it hard for them to understand the reasons behind their parents' separation. They tend to blame themselves and look at marital breakup as abandonment. They may cling to the parent they live with, displaying intense separation anxiety.

Older children are better able to understand the reasons behind their parents' divorce. They recognize that strong differences and lack of caring for one and other are responsible for the break up. The ability to accurately assign blame helps to alleviate some of the pain children experience from a family break up.

Girls will sometimes show internalizing reactions, such as crying, self-criticism, and withdrawal. They are more likely to display demanding, attention getting behavior. Boys may experience more adjustment difficulties than girls. Boy's behavior may be so unruly that the divorced parents may view the child more negatively. Boys may exhibit more negative behaviors such as hitting, teasing, quarreling, and attacks against other siblings (Berk, 1997).

Life in a single parent household is often a temporary condition. Many parents remarry within a few years. Parent, stepparent, and children now form a new family structure called the blended or reconstituted family. The growth of blended families complicates the dynamics of the family. High divorce and remarriage rates in recent decades have resulted in 20 percent of the children in two parent households living with one natural parent and one stepparent.

Slightly over 40 percent of all current marriages in the United States are 2nd and 3rd marriages. Adults who undergo the stress and transition to or from divorce and remarriage may have less time and emotional stamina to deal with the emotional turmoil of the children. Yet, they may find themselves caring for biological children, stepchildren, relatives, aging parents and a new spouse. Difficulties in the disruption of time, attention, and financial burdens complicate the blended family further (NASW, 1995).

Stepchildren face many problems, not the least of which is loyalty conflict. Many stepchildren are trapped by their feelings of love and identification with the absent biological parent and the growing attachment to the stepparent. Absent parents may express feelings of rejection if their children verbalize positive feelings for the stepparent.

Children may harbor resentment against their biological parent for leaving them or not visiting frequently enough. Children may also show hostility to the stepparent as a defense mechanism against feelings of hurt and betrayal. Psychosomatic illnesses can be another defense mechanism as the stepchild tries to handle tension by escaping into complaints of headaches and stomachaches.

Stepchildren need reassurance that they are wanted and an important part of the new family. Stepparents are better accepted by younger children and adolescents are least able to accept a new parent as they often battle with their biological parents and try to gain independence (Smith, 1990).

The most common form of blended family is a mother and stepfather arrangement, since mothers often maintain custody of the children. Under these conditions, male children usually do well. They welcome a stepfather who is warm and involved, who refrains from exerting authority too quickly and who offers relief from the coercive cycle of interaction that occurred between mother and son. The mother's friction with the son also declines for the same reasons, greater economic security, another adult to share in household responsibilities, and an end to loneliness.

Women who become stepparents are put in a particularly difficult role. Women are expected to aspire to have children, and all women know they are supposed to wish for children, but no woman dreams of becoming a stepmother. Unlike an adoptive mother, the stepmother does not elect to take on the mother role, nor does she choose her stepchildren and she generally doesn't know them from infancy on (Caplan, 1983). Girls have an especially difficult time adjusting to a stepmother. Girls can become entangled in loyalty conflicts between the two mother figures.

Noncustodial mothers are more likely to maintain contact with children and frequent visits between mother and daughter are likely to cause increased conflict between stepmother and stepdaughter. In contrast, girls adapt less favorably when custodial mothers remarry. Stepfathers disrupt the close ties many girls establish with their mothers in a single parent family and girls can react to the new marriage with sulky, resistant behavior.

Adolescents find it the most difficult to adjust to the blended family arrangement. Young adolescents who are dealing with their own growing sexuality and establishing autonomy find the presence of a stranger disruptive. About one third of adolescent boys and one fourth of adolescent girls disengage from their stepfamilies and spend less time at home and more time with friends. This can lead to poor academic achievement, school drop out, sexual activity, substance abuse and delinquency (Berk, 1997).

The traditional American family has increasingly become a minority in the country. The American family is much more pluralistic. There are fewer children per family unit, more adults who wish to adopt or have no children at all, blended families, families with single parents or same sex parents and foster families.

Family transition has always existed in our culture, yet they are on the increase and more visible than ever before. This is due in part to rapid social and technological changes that have intensified pressures on the family structure.

Resources:

Berk, L.E., (1997). Child Development (4th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon Publishing Company.

Caplan, T., and Caplan, F., (1983). The Early Childhood Years. New York, NY: Putnam Publishing Group.

National Association of Social Workers, (1995). Encyclopedia of Social Work (19th ed.). Washington, DC: NASW Press.

Smith, D., (1990). Stepmothering. New York, NY: St. Martin's Press.

About the Author:

Cathy Jo Faruque is a Licensed Independent Social Worker in the state of Minnesota and a Certified Diplomate of the American Psychotherapy Association.