SelfhelpMagazine

My faith in God has always been important to me. Without faith or trust in myself and others, I might have been overwhelmed by many personal challenges I've endured. Through all of my positive and negative experiences, I continue to have faith and hope for an improved sense of self and the world.

These emotions have helped me to recognize that love, in general, is necessary to build a strong sense of character. I have often said that, for me, various religious ideas and belief in God have always been an instrumental part of my life.

Perhaps, my indoctrination into Christian teachings at a young age helped to form my intense spiritual beliefs today. Before my baptism, my church and family required that I learn specific passages in the Bible. Matthew 4 says "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

At times, I've tried to see the "good" in a rather negative or difficult situation. I'm the first to say that it ain't easy! Why have faith when there appears to be little or no hope?

In my kitchen, I have a message which says, "Your life is a sacred journey...You are on the path..." I'm not sure who authored it but I do make a point of looking at it on a daily basis. I also like a book called, "When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Start Laughing" by Martha Bolton.

Part of it says, "In this life we're going to have troubles and blessings, failures and accomplishments, hurts and healings. Some things are going to go exactly the way we want them to go. Others may take a turn we didn't expect or want. We'll be let down by people we've loved -- and loved by people we've let down. There will be times when we're on top of the world and times when we feel its full weight on our shoulders....Laughter is a God-given tool to help us cope, to make our journey a little easier."

Just knowing that I'm not alone when it comes to such things as "...troubles and blessings, failures and accomplishments, hurts and healings" is a great comfort to me. My personal life has had many peaks and valleys.

I'm sure I'll experience more challenges as time goes by. But, just knowing that a special strength or force is working inside and through me, I have the courage to continue my journey of life.

Several years ago, I had extremely sensitive neurosurgery. Prior to that event, I spent many hours in doctor/patient consultations and numerous medical tests. During one hospital stay, I asked that an Episcopalian visit and pray for me.

Not only did the Deacon visit me daily, she spoke of me in one of her sermons. She said, "Sometimes before I preach, I go over what I'm thinking with one of the patients I have come to know pretty well."

She felt called to Holy Orders. She was turned down, she believes, because she has epilepsy, and the church didn't know what to do with a disabled person..."the Church can give mixed messages about doing what is right, and people get messed up if they accept dogmas and so-called "laws" too easily."

Certainly I was devastated as I was discouraged from becoming an Episcopal priest due, primarily, to my sexual orientation and medical disability. I like the statement, "...the Church can give mixed messages about doing what is right...."

Indeed, many of our world religions are based on traditional and/or spiritual belief systems. Like human beings, the church and faith, in general, goes through constant growing pains. I continue to hope and pray that all organized religious traditions will, in some way, give hope and meaning to those who are truly searching for such guidance.

In the Book of John it says, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another." Once, as an Episcopal spiritual director, I led an informal church meeting and ceremony of sacramental bread and wine.

I often think of those who attended this special service. There were believers and non-believers. Some were Catholic, others were Jewish. Some worshiped an entity other than God or believed that their lives were being guided by an unknown spiritual force or Supreme Being.

Ecumenical Faith in God

To me, all personal faiths and ideas should be respected, equally. Today, I've developed many Ecumenical beliefs. I will always be a confirmed Episcopalian and truly love its formal ritualistic.

However, I now look to spiritual traditions, besides Christianity, for personal nourishment and emotional support. At my mother's Episcopal memorial service I recited a poem from Marianne Williamson's book, "Illuminata" after the Eucharist and formal prayers:

"Dear God,
I think that I am going to die.
I think I'm going to leave this world.
Give me strength, Lord, that I might not fear.
I know, dear God, that when I leave I do not
die, that when I die I shall continue to live in
Your arms, in Your mind, in Your spirit forever...."

I believe her words are are an important universal message which hints at the idea of life after death. And, the words apply to all people regardless of their respected religious affiliations.

Many will agree, others may strongly oppose such an idea. That is their God given right. I rarely discuss the shamanic visions I've had for fear I would be laughed at.

I smiled when I read a passage from Dr. Joan Borysenko's book, "Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson." After discussing one of her visions, she said, "...I've only told one other person about it. I mean most people would think I was crazy; even I thought I was crazy at first. As a psychiatrist I'm trained to believe that visions are manifestations of temperal lobe epilepsy or psychosis."

Faith...Hope...Love. With the ongoing assistance from these often compassionate belief systems, I continue to get stronger in body, mind and spirit. Indeed, I have epilepsy. But, my self-esteem, psychological outlook on life and faith in God get stronger with every passing day.