SelfhelpMagazine

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

Your parents' spiritual needs will depend somewhat on each of their spiritual stories to this point. If they have been religious people, then their needs will likely be connected to their ability to continue to remain connected to their church community.

If your parents have not been especially involved in a religion, then they may rely more upon you and others to help them make peace with certain issues. In either case, here are some typical spiritual issues faced by the elderly:

1. As we age, we may feel an increasing need to feel that our life mattered, that somehow we made a difference. Elderly persons may often be found simply sitting and staring off into space. This may actually be an involvement in a life review, i.e., a summation which they are undertaking to be at peace with the quality of their life. If your parent chooses to share any of this with you, be a good listener.
2. Some elderly persons feel some urgency in making amends. If this involves you in any way, the best that you can offer is honesty. If you harbor hurts from a parent trying to make peace with you, be honest. Don't say, "It's OK," if it is really not. Perhaps the best you may be able to offer is to tell you're parent that you appreciate them reaching out and that you are willing to work on forgiveness.
3. As we age, we also come face to face not only with our mortality but with our beliefs about an afterlife. Some persons may become fearful, i.e., "Suppose there is no heaven!" or, even worse "Suppose there is a hell!" Again, the best that you can offer is listening.
4. Finally, as we age, we may become fearful not so much about dying but about what we will be like as we die. Many persons fear senility or some other form of disability. Open and honest discussion about this can ease some fears.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. If your parent is struggling spiritually, don't hesitate to ask them if they would like to talk to a spiritual counselor of some sort. Finally, keep in mind that you may need your own support system as you minister to your parents. As we watch our parents age, we begin to grieve. It helps to have some emotional support.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.