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Older Women Talking about Sex
by Beverly Johnson, Ph.D., RN
These are a few of the words of more than 600 women age 50 and older who participated in a survey of women on sexuality and aging.
When I was an assistant professor of nursing at the University of Vermont, I invited readers of AARP's "Modern Maturity" who were age 50 and older to participate in my study of older adults' sexuality. I asked the readers to complete surveys on such topics as health, sense of self worth, intimate relationships, and attitudes. To encourage the participants to be as open and honest as possible, I asked them not to sign their names to the questionnaires.
I also invited the participants to describe their degree of interest, participation and satisfaction for a variety of sexual activities such as sitting and holding hands to reading or looking at erotic materials to saying, "I love (or like) you" to more physically intimate activities such as kissing, hugging, intercourse, masturbation and oral sex. I wanted to explore sexuality in older adults from a broad perspective and not just equate sexuality with sex or sexual behaviors.
Studies looking at sexuality in this age group are especially significant as society has often seen older adults as sexually uninterested, uninteresting and incapable. An earlier study of contemporary adult sexual behavior by University of Chicago researchers only included adults between the ages of 18 and 59. The researchers used this upper age limit since they found previous research had shown both the amount and variety of sexual behaviors declined with age. Financial constraints of the study also led them to reduce the upper age limit from age 65 to age 59.
My study, then, intentionally examined women older ranges, and included items to provide a view of older female sexuality, beyond frequency and type of sexual behaviors. I also sought to include other aspects of oneself, such as self-esteem and intimacy.
How Did These Older Women Describe Themselves?
Nearly one-half of the women were married, while one-third were widowed. Three quarters of the women were satisfied with their lives in general. Their health status reports indicated that 40 percent had had a hysterectomy, while their most common health problems were arthritis and high blood pressure. Eighty five percent of the women described their health as good.
I also found that women saw themselves from a positive self view and as participants in intimate relationships (41 percent described their spouse as the person to whom they were most close while 33 percent said such a person was a friend). For example, 90 percent of the women reported, "I feel I have a number of good qualities," and "I take a positive attitude toward myself." Half of the women said their closest relationship provided sexual satisfaction while over 80 percent described their intimate partner as physically attractive, and both partners had a strong emotional attraction for each other.
Women also described themselves as knowledgeable about sexuality and aging and liberal in their sexual attitudes. They knew physical changes in sexual function were associated with aging and 85 percent said older adults continue their sexual interest and activity well into old age if they are healthy. Furthermore, 90 percent believed sex was not just for the young, that late life romances are good, that and sexuality continues throughout life.
In this study women described their sexual interest, participation, and satisfaction in various sexual activities:
- At least 50 percent reported being very interested, active in, and satisfied with activities such as sitting next to someone and talking, making oneself more attractive, hearing or saying "I love (or like) you," kissing, hugging, and caressing.
- Two-thirds of the women said they were "very interested" in sexual intercourse.
- Fifty percent or less said they participated "very often" in sexual intercourse.
- Sexual activities for which one-third of the women or less expressed being, "very interested, active in, and satisfied with" included talking about sexuality, reading or watching erotic materials, daydreaming about sex, masturbation and oral sex.
- Compared to their younger years, only 35 percent of the women said their present sexual interest had decreased.
- Fifty-six percent of the women said their sexual participation had decreased
- Thirty-eight percent said overall sexual satisfaction had decreased. These facets of sexual behaviors do continue for this group of older women!
For this group of older women, I concluded that greater levels of sexual interest, participation and, greater levels of satisfaction characterized those women who saw themselves in a positive light, had intimate relationships and had liberal sexual attitudes. Although the results of this study can't be generalized to the population of older U.S. women because the women had volunteered to participate rather than being randomly selected, the results do describe a view of positive and continuing sexuality of community-based older women.
About the Author:
Beverly Johnson, Ph.D., RN is a post doctoral student and researcher at the University of Washington School of Nursing.
Revised 9/03/08 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.
To all women such as Katie Lynn: A strong sex drive in women is a very wonderful asset and should be used as long as posible. If a spouse is OK with having someone else for sex then for heavensakes DO IT !! I know a very attractive woman who is in her late sixtys and has actually had a complete hysterectomy and still has a strong sex drive but her husband has no interest in sex with anyone. She privately confided in me that she craves it constantly. She does not want a divorce and is only looking for a decent male who will agree to a longterm arangement. I have met with her a few times and she is fantastic in bed but I dont want to commit to a long term because I am 16 years younger than her. My advice to her was to find her man and have him checked out about his personal life and be tested for any STD,you must be very careful about who your with. This woman is as good as any woman that I have been with as she has no hangups about sex and very pretty.
Hi,
I am 30 years old, male and an African. I am looking for woman age between 54-60. who i can take care of. be with , and love. interested, feel free to email me: adebowale_fijabi@yahoo.com
Elaine ya sound like the women i could realy enjoy be around cause im always hard and ready for a good time im 58yrs young
hello sexy girls and sexy women i want fuck you because i love you call me at 9213767666
I am a 54-year old woman who doesn't look her age. I am often told I look 30 and I consider myself to be extremely sensual. I have been married for 25 years to a man that has not made me feel beautiful, important or loved. He has had dozens of emotional affairs with women and looked at porn continually through the years. I have not had any sexual desire for him for almost two decades because honestly I just don't believe he loves me or wants me. I cannot compete with the porn. I not only find him unappealing but repulsive. He has emotionally and spiritually abused me for years making me believe that I am not a women, that I couldn't turn on a man, that I had a serious problem.
Recently my younger sister and best friend died from terminal cancer. Just one week prior to her death my husband told me he wanted a divorce, he didn't love me and I wasn't sexy or sensual. I was devasted to say the least. I had to leave for two weeks to be beside my dying sister and do her memorial service. After my sister's death something snapped in me and I basically knew in my heart that I was done with my marriage and it was time to move on. I shouldn't have done so but I had an affair with a wonderful man whow made me feel alive again, made me feel like the most beautiful creature in the world. He has changed me in every way...sort of like Jack changed Rose in the Titanic. For the first time in my life I can relate with every love song that I hear. I am still stuck in this marriage cause I have no where to go. I am trying to get a job and career so I can move out and get on with my life.
My husband knows about the affair but now wants me back. I don't want him back because the damage is done and I am just done with the whole dysfunctional sick mess of a marriage. And then I love this other man but the problem is he doesn't have an income and is a disabled vet. I don't even care because his heart is so precious and I feel so wonderful with him but then we live hundreds of miles apart. My story is pretty similar to the movie "Bridges of Madison County" but I just can't stay with my husband and pretend any longer. My heart is just not with him and we have tried and tried to fix the marriage and it just doesn't work. There is much more to this story but I just needed to give you a glimpse. It feels good to share it with all you and I again I am ashamed that I went outside my marriage. I was hurting so badly and I am a Christian and know that adultery is wrong no matter what. Thanks for listening and sharing your stories and giving me the courage to do the same...
Lovingly,
Angel with the broken wings...
i need u such a great lady
I wonder where these women in the survey came from. I am 70 and married to a lady of 58 for about 25 years.We have had no sex or any loving or touching of any kind for 20 years.
I found it hard for several years and have turned inwards to try to make her happy for no reason but to make myself useful to her.I wash, iron , do the outside work and spend more time on charity works.I am a fit 184 cm person.
Whilst I would like to be with one of the active ladies , I feel that better the devil you know than the one you don't.
andywright93@yahoo.com here is my adress for conntact
My name is ANDY WRIGHT, from Nigeria, am a chartered account in the Central Bank of Nigeria. Am 34 years old single. Am man living very comfortabling alone with some much achievement in this wide lonely world, looking for some one to spend the rest of my live with ready to love and cherrish me the same way i would too.
My name is ANDY WRIGHT, from Nigeria, am a chartered account in the Central Bank of Nigeria. Am 34 years old single. Am man living very comfortabling alone with some much achievement in this wide lonely world, looking for some one to spend the rest of my live with ready to love and cherrish me the same way i would too.
My name is ANDY WRIGHT, from Nigeria, am a chartered account in the Central Bank of Nigeria. Am 34 years old single. Am man living very comfortabling alone with some much achievement in this wide lonely world, looking for some one to spend the rest of my live with ready to love and cherrish me the same way i would too.
hi all ladys m young i cn give you complete satisfaction in bed bathtum pool table everywher conti>>>>> pls call or mail me
looking for fun loving woman with no attitude. i am a 64 year old man not married. age makes no difference, as long as chemistry is right.
hi?????????/
you contact me ///////i am totally saticfie i know ur problem i give u foll fun and mazza ok?????
so contact me?????
I am a male at 25 from Greece. In my opinion, women get only better with age, if they do not forget that they *are* sexy.
I'd pick a 50 year old woman over a 20 year old one any time for sex, it's a shame that many women at this age don't realize they attract younger men and make it hard for them to approach!
I am a 34 year old male from Kerala in India. I love to make relationship with elder women, but it is difficult to find anyone near me.
I agree with this article.
I am 70 years old and still I can safely have sex. I feel young and I have no problem with the experience of pleasure. My husband is 5 years younger because he still does not feel old. I am with him I always felt younger and it makes sex still gives us great pleasure.
I am 73 with 4 girlfriends and find most older women totally out to lunch. Their profiles are boreing and that is why they can't find a man. Who wants to hear about your deep moral concepts and religion or to see pictures of your with your dogs or cats, wearing something like your going to a furneral. This is why your not getting any follow up's on your sites looking for me."Say something sexy that a man wants to hear from a lonely woman." Put some picture of you that show's something more than the zipper of your sweater.
Believe me, got off the old couch and get real.
I can give you advise if nothing else at nacomenightmare on aol if you really want to get advise on finding a man.
I am a 57 yr old male, my wife is 63. When we met and married we had a great sex life, but after 3 kids she lost all interest. Being still very much interested I resorted to discreet affairs. The sex has been mind blowing. One of them is 80 and the other 90. I am talking back breaking baby making sex, figuratively of course. No inhibitions, hangups or shyness about showing their naked bodies and ever so grateful that I want to make love to them. They definitely aim to please. Older women are definitely beautiful lovers.
Hi i 'm a 28 yr old man in good shape who is crazy abt older woman caus an older woman is stress free i almost fantasize abt them all day long i 'm not married
hello every one, am black i base in china i like and love old women who can love and show cares
interesting
I am a 71 year old male. Twelve years ago I had a radical prostatectomy for cancer. My wife divorced me saying that she had no intent on spending her old age takiing care of me. No one is taking care of me, and I am not looking for someone to take care of me. I would like to find a partner. I am impotent and must wear a pad to help with bladder control. The problem is that the libido is alive and well. I yearn for a women to be in my life. I want someone my own age, or close enough so we can talk to each other. I want someone to cuddle and hold who can hold me back. I could have sex with the aid of a penis pump and I enjoy giving oral sex. I have little doubt that I could be a good friend an companion to someone. I have a decent retirment income, about $55,000 per year. But I have no idea how to meet somone. How should I do that? Where might I go?
I think older women are looking less for sex and more for companionship than the media would have us believe.
Ithink itis not aproblem dating a man younger than you.
this is my case.he is20years younger than me he loves me very very much.
I am 42, married, from India. I hav a high respect on older woman and their sex life, romance. My friend, who is 55, extremely romantic, caring and sexy. We have had sex several times and we both are quite satisfied. Many people dont like that kind of relationship without understanding the pain of my life what I m facing everyday. My wife is younger, beautiful but dont hav any sex demand, whereas my demand is very high. I m missing my friend, she has gone abroad with her husband and will stay there. Now the situation is more pathetic in my case.
Matured experenced women who know what they are doing are more exciting any time compared to young inexperienced girls.
I'm a 63 years YOUNG lady married to a 72 year old man. Sadly, we haven't had sex since my husband was 40 years old as he could no longer have an erection and lost total interest. Since his retirement, he watches TV and eats...no conversation..no sex..nothing. He keeps ENCOURAGING me to find a younger man or a man my own age for sex and companionship as all he wants basically is a good housekeeper, a good cook and someone to mow the lawn, care for the garden, and do the upkeep (painting, etc.) on the house. Neither of us want a divorce as I married at age 18 and have been a homemaker all my life. He was a good provider and went to work each day and is content with his life. I DESPERATELY need both SEX and INTIMACY as well as a man to talk to...a man who is single, but does not want marriage. I masturbate on the average...30 to 40 times a day and night and think about sex ALL the time as I've always been a very sensual and sexual woman. When we lived in a less remote area, I did have boyfriends, but have not been with a man in more than 23 years at this time in my life mainly because I live in a remote location, do not drive and have almost no opportunity to meet a decent, clean, and intelligent man. Sometimes I DO feel depressed and just go someplace deep in my woods to cry as I MISS sex so very, very much. I'm an EXTREMELY sensual lady who still has a lovely body and just LOVES pleasing a man in every way!! It seems so unfair that I must live the rest of my life never knowing intimacy again. I wondered if any other women are in this same predicament?
I want to date a man who is unable to have an erection. I am 50yrs old in Great shape, good looking and nice. I am not into intercourse... How do I find a date?