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Divorcing? Tips for Handling Obsessive Ex

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by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

 
Question: I am in the process of divorcing. My soon-to-be ex seems obsessed with me. He is always checking on me, driving by my house, grilling my daughter for information. He also calls my best friend's husband to see how often I am in contact with her since he is trying to make an issue of that relationship. Why is he doing this and what can I do to get him off my back?

I would guess that your husband has great control needs and that going through this divorce threatens those controls needs and so he escalates. People with control needs of such a level usually have some significant insecurities lurking around. Thus, the efforts for control.

You need to inform your attorney of these goings-on. Your attorney may be able to look into something like a restraining order.

Your attorney might also be able to offer you an opinion as to whether any of your husband's behavior falls within the domain of "stalking." If so, the law may be of some assistance.

Finally, if your daughter is experiencing some distress from the "grillings," you might seek some assistance for her from a professional counselor. Divorcing is hard on children and your ex's behavior is making it worse.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.

Originally published 01/12/99
Revised 06/26/2010 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.

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