SelfhelpMagazine

by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

There's no easy answer to this question. There are many approaches that can increase the probability of meeting appropriate men who are genuinely nice.

These are some of the variables to consider:

1. where you are looking
2. what you are looking for
3. developing an early detection sense about men

You can increase the probability of finding an appropriate person by looking in appropriate places. You are less likely to find an appropriate mate in a bar than you are in a museum.

In other words, if you try to meet someone in a bar or club, many of the people who attend are merely seeking a temporary companion. In these environments, most people are putting on some type of act.

In a museum or other activity, people are interested in the activity first, meeting people second. Therefore, they are more likely to authentic.

Know What You Want When Dating Men

Knowing what you want in a relationship is helpful, especially if you develop a plan for meeting this type of person. Ask yourself where you would most likely find a man with the desired qualities and interests. Since meeting appropriate companions is often a crapshoot, you should figure out ways of increasing the odds in your favor.

Becoming more attentive to subtle cues will also help in weeding out the "creeps." Learning about previous relationships and how and why they ended gives information about how he will relate to women.

Listening to attitudes about life, women, relationships will give you considerable information early on to help you decide whether he is work a second date. When dating men, if you are more concerned about impressing him, how you look, or whether he is interested, you will miss out on these cues.

About the Author:

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.