SelfhelpMagazine

The article was somewhat interesting, but even more interesting were a lot of the comments. Some of them seemed normal, even though they were weird. Like the boys farting on each other--weird but not sexual. My husband told me he and his brother used to put their buttcheeks together and "absorb" each other's farts. On the other hand--if you witness ANY kind of inappropriate sexual behavior between 2 or more children--THAT IS NOT NORMAL! Either an adult or other child was involved or they were exposed to something sexual at a very young age. The best thing to do is keep your children away from those people forever. It seems to me just about everyone in this country has experienced some kind of sexual dysfunction during childhood. Whether it's being scolded for masturbation or having a relative peer or adult expose, exploit or molest another child, it seems to be extremely common nowadays, unfortunately. My advice is don't keep closed doors in the house when there's a guest in the room--including a relative or playmate your child's age. Supervision is key to stopping these unacceptable behaviors early on. You should also be very frank about sexuality and use proper body part terms when it comes up with your kids. My daughter was only 10 months old when she "discovered" herself and I just ignore it and divert her attention elsewhere. When she's a little older and understands I'll explain to her not to allow ANYONE to look at her or touch her down there.

I am 20 years old now too and had almost the same experience as anonymous above only I was around 8 or 9 and it was with a step sister the same age as me. I didn't know what oral sex was at the time, but I didn't think it was wrong. I had seen some pornographic images in my parent's room before and thought it was okay. Ever since I have ALWAYS been terribly ashamed by thinking about what I did and my masturbation at that age. I am never comfortable in sexual situations and feel very very guilty. I also think that it may mean that I am meant to have relationships with girls instead of boys.
I will definitely remember this for the rest of my life unfortunately and hopefully be able to talk to my kids openly about sex.
I pray that this is something I can put in my past and live a happy unashamed life.

I wish there was more information on this. I googled 'child on child molestation' and this is pretty much the only article or source of information I can find on the subject. The fact that information on this subject is so scarce is quite saddening but I am so very thankful for this article.

I will say that some of the comments are hurtful though, particularly the ones that want to dismiss the idea of children crossing the line of experimentation, into the realm of abuse. While I can understand that it's a very fine line between the two from an outsiders perspective, I do think that this topic deserves to be explored further and taken very, very seriously.

I've been struggling for a really, really long time with reoccurring events that happened in my childhood. I wish that it had been an adult who had crossed this line with me, it would have been clear: what happened is wrong, I didn't do anything to deserve it ... I wouldn't then be stuck in this horrible limbo of invalidity. I feel as though there is no one to blame and that no one would ever take what happened to me seriously. That most would dismiss it as childhood experimentation and that I shouldn't dare think of myself as a victim. I sat through a sexual abuse group for weeks on end listening to women talk about their horrific life stories in which adult male predators took advantage of them. I sat there and felt like a fraud. Like I didn't deserve to be in their presence because my abuser was my female childhood friend. The experience did anything but heal me, I left there feeling even more ashamed and disgusted with myself. I never said a word throughout the group, even though I was dying for someone to just look at me and tell me it wasn't my fault, that I didn't deserve it ... I was way too ashamed and unsure if I could even call what happened to me "abuse".

I now sit here in adulthood and still have yet to be intimate with someone because of the terrifying feelings that come up within me surrounding anything sexual. I still, for the most part, can't talk about what happened to me because of the deep feelings of shame. I truly, truly wish there was more information on this subject so that other people didn't have to live through this horrible state of unknowingness. How can you heal through a traumatic event if society rarely acknowledges it as ... well, a traumatic event?

It's so hard.

For all the parents writing in about their children ... all I would say is try your best to take it very seriously without making them feel ashamed in any way. Be there for them, listen to them - get them professional help ... do not invalidate their experience or imply that it is disgusting, because then they may think that they are disgusting ... not understanding that what happened to them is disgustingly wrong ... but they, themselves, are anything but disgusting.

Anyway, I want to thank you for posting this article and hope that others out there who are struggling with their own experiences of child on child abuse will find a little contentment within this glimmer of understanding.

Kate

Phil:

I love this article. I still am in need of some information on assessment tools.

Kids start experimenting the second they recognize the fact that they have got hands. It's time to realize that this is life, and despite all your very sorry attempts to restrain perfectly natural and healthy behavior, it will happen no matter what. Trying to prevent their normal development will cause them to feel guilty or worse, instead of helping your kids, you are the ones who are actually abusing them by forcing your twisted, mostly religion-driven "morals" on them.So, as some famous singer said " Don't worry, be happy" before you really screw-up their minds for ever

I have noticed my 4 and a half year old daughter touching her genitals especially when she is alone. She lay on her tummy and humps her hand. I was devastated when I noticed this and gave her a thrashing of her life. My wife questioned her as to where this was coming from and whether anyone had touched her genitals and she replied in the negative.
I am worried sick about this but do not know what to do.
I am concernd that she may be susceptible to child molestors as I have noticed that she likes the feeling she receives from doing this.

Anyone who ever suspects that someone has done something to their child should go to the police first and have them talk to the molester. My children, 5 and 3, were molested by a 12 year old neighbor. I always told my kids that no one should touch their private parts. But, I learned.... we should also tell our children that no one should ask them to touch their private parts and no one should ever take their clothes off in front of them and show you their private parts. Kids that do this are sick! They need help and a lot of the time their parents become enablers by not coming to terms with what their son did and discounting that your children are hurt emotionally or physically in any way. NEVER LET A TEENAGE BOY BABYSIT your kids. Just do not take the chance. And, remember, you need to be more afraid of someone you know molesting your children than a stranger. Only 10% of molestations are by strangers. Fight for your children! Don't let anyone say that it was just "experimenting" or that their son was "curious" , etc. There are no excuses for sexual molestation. Parents are the only voice for their children!!!

Very concerned about my now 18mo. granddaughter. After one of her weekend visits w/her father, she showed a strong interest in slapping her privates while removing her diaper. The first time this hapened I was shocked. She also made sounds while doing this. After her father was warned that whatever he is exposing her to, it needs to stop, this behavior stopped. She was about 11mo. old. We had her seen by her pediatrician who expressed a concern also. Now this behavior is starting again and we literly get sick having to turn her over to her father. I found this web site tonite in hopes to get better answers or explaination in this young of an age.

i have a 11 yr old and a 5yr old brother i resently found out that the 11 year old rubbed his peepe on my 5 year old brother, he offer to give him a bath but i never though he was gonna do that.. that same day my 5yr old told me it only happend one time and i talked to the 11yr old n he told me he did it n he would never do it again, i dont know what to do i love them both.

I have been worrying about my niece for quite a while now because of the way she's behaving. my sister has been continuously talking to me about her observations. Its a good thing that I was able to stumble upon this article.

I am now 20 years old. When I was 5 or 6 my best friend (girl) "molested" me, or that is what I call it now. She told me it was a game to lick each others' privates and we would do this at sleepovers. I had NO IDEA this was wrong! It seemed almost normal. I was told not to show my privates boys but girls take baths together and change clothes without thinking anything of it. My parents never found out and I didn't think anything of it until sex ed in school. Then I was so terrified that I had lost my virginity or had HIV (I didn't know how it worked!). This haunted me for years, destroyed our relationship growing up and now it sickens me to think of her or it. I feel into depression through high school and early college. I didn't want anyone I was struggling so much so I would cry in bed. I felt like the world knew about and thought I was a lesbianism. I just wanted to give up on everything. I have a terrible problem trusting people or even interacting with girls now. Thanks to my now fiance, I am recovering from this. It was hard for me to be intimate with at first so I had to tell him why. Ever since telling someone, it has helped so much.

With all this said, please please do not ignore this in your kids! I think it would be best to talk with your them about it. It has deeply affected me and the way I am going to raise my kids. Not all kids are alike but I encourage to never leave them alone with another child unsupervised. Talk with them EARLY about their "privates." No need to go into all the details of sex just that no one should touch them! or even see them!

I don't think this would have affected me so much if I had someone that I could trust to talk about it earlier. Goodluck everyone!

I have a four year old son and a four year old cousin and they were caught in the bedroom with their pants down and telling eachother to put their privates in their mouth. I know that in my home were they both live they are not exposed to that in any way. their telivision is monitered and screened and any adult activity is done behind closed, locked doors while they are sleeping. They do spend time at other places and were not sure if they have ever been exposed that way.

kristi
what you're experiencing with your son is normal. i would just watch him when he's around playmates so that he dosen't expose other children to it. when he starts to involve others thats when it becomes not ok/normal. next time you see him doing that you might want to ask him where did he learn that, just in case.

to erica
you have every right to be upset about what happened to your child. the 11 yr old i'm sure knows better. i strongly feel that someone should try to reason with his mom about getting him some help before he's too far gone.
as for your 2 yr old. explain to him that that was unacceptable behavior, no one should ever touch him that way. i think that he is still young so you have time on your side (if he's not making a big deal about it then he might forget) however, you should still keep a close eye on him, especially during play time (make sure he's not reenacting what happened in any way)

I have a 5 year old son who I have recently noticed that a lot of times if he is laying on his tummy watching TV or something he will start humping. Like you can just see his butt moving. It like totally freaks me out b/c to me that is just gross. I have talked to him about it and he says it feels good. It is just nasty to me.

i am 22 year old boy and i had suffered from sexual abuse in my early childhood and iam hyper excited about sex even today
My urge for sex is too high
can this urge be little reduced as i am not able to concentrate on anything and everytime think about sex

I couple of days ago my 2 year old child told me that his 11 yeard old cousin put his mouth on his gential area! I am soo worried and upset, cause its such an age diff! But my sons father says kids do this stuff and so does the cousins parents! Maybe i am over reacting but it doesn't seem normal for a 11 year old boy to do such a thing to a 2 year old! It seems sick! I have been crying for days cause I don't know what to do! I know that the 11 year old needs some help mentally but should i get my 2 year old counseling as will! I know that the 11 year old parents aren't gonna do much about it. Some people told me i need to call child services on the 11 year old and his parents! I don't know what to do, i really don't! One minute i wanna call the police and the next i think maybe if i just sit the kid down and talk to him! I know it is not norma for an 11 year old boy to sexually touch a 2 year old! At ae 11 you know better! My son is so young and i wonder if this is gonna mess him up in the long run!

One thing I really need to say about this behavior is that none of it is okay. Once they have the opportunity to do it and all they hear is not to then they continue. They know it feels good and that is all that will matter to them. The best method is to call them out in a scene that tears them out of it. In the story with the 6 yr old little boy written by Jimmie, I understand your frustration. After the first time I would have been estatic just like you described. This child not only needs a conversation but a really good consequence. No toys, no friends, no girls or boys for that matter around him. He also needs to be shown that this behavior will put him in jail the big house. Yes he is young, gotya, but what the difference from him being young and acting old. Sometimes reality has to come into play. If he not young enough to do it then what makes him to young to hear about it. Yes you definitly had every right letting him know what is up. In due time you will get a strong unwanted buried disliking of the child alltogether if this continues. Your son should be in top authority with this. As the man of the house he really needs to be involed with this as much as possible. He cannot let this ride out. The boy will have a girl pregnant in no time when he hits that age which could be at 10yrs old. Could you imagine. I do not think it is okay at all that she has let it override this long. Clearly it is time to step in and as a concerned voice in what is going on be sure to show your son and his wife that it will not be accepted. Even if you are visiting and have to go as far as proof. You gotta do what you gotta do. I am in a similar situation as well as the others. Think about how people are out there with this issue. This behavior is one of the most ridiculous to put up with. It is not time for them to experiment with it and with every voice letting them know it's not then they will soon get the picture. Sometimes we do have to scare the child in the right direction. The world is to free today that a 5yr old is a 8yr old and a 10yr old is a 14yr old. Catch them earlyyy!! The behavior is not okay.

i recently let my best friends son come over and play he is 2 weeks older then my dauhter which tured 3 in september. they have been best friend since they were 1. i went upstairs to check on them and found my daughter laying on floor with her panties down around her ankles and hi laying down on her peepee.i sent him home right away. i talke to my daughter and she told me he was licking her peepee and put a toy on her peepee. i asked her to show me what toy and it was a barbies arm. i dont believe it went inside her because the upper part of her was just red and wet. i explained to her that noone is allwoed to touch her peepee but mommy..shes as smart as a whip so im sure she got it.i called my friend and told her she talked with her son and she said he told her that my dauhter told him to do it. when i questioned her she seemed to be oblivious to what had happened like she had allready forgot about it. i am a single mother and have been since i was 3 months prenant, no one has ever even watch my child but me (and i work at her preschool) my dauhter has never been exposed to anything sexual i belive it was her sons idea..it seems to bother me more then my daughter i feel disturbed and cant seem to shake what i saw, it keeps replaying over and over ion my head. I feel like my daughter innocence has been taken and what worse is it doesnt seem to bother my friend at all.

Just discovered that my 11 year old has been secretly watching lesbian movies on Youtube. She was shatterred that I discovered it. She cried and said should did not want me to tell anybody especially her mother. She promised not to view them again. I am not sure what to make of it.

For all of you with postings of issues regarding your children: I urge you to seek psychiatric help. Trust your gut judgment. I can't begin to tell you of the strengths in seeing the right psychiatrist for both the child and the parent. For the step-Mom who posted - seek Dad's help in this - get this son to a doctor. For Lily, if the 'acting out' is harm to the younger child, the psychiatrist has a duty to report it. This will result in an investigation of involved parties and actions, if any, will be taken.

Some of the behaviours above are normal, and some of them are questionable, and maybe a referral made to a social welfare or questions sought of the parents.

However, Pam - this is perfectly normal behaviour, I was never abused, but started becoming sexual aware and curious starting at the age of eight. Do not worry yourself, just because your daughter is experimenting it does not mean she has been abused. She's just exploring what comes naturally as we grown up into becoming women. If the behaviour is in anyway abusive, violent etc then it may be a problem.

Am I over reacting? This past summer, I observed a 5 yr old boy playing with barbie and ken type dolls. He was having each doll kiss the other doll on the mouth, breast and genital area. I immediately took the dolls away from him, told him we didn't play like that, that wasn't nice. told him to go downstairs to his mom. He got mad, and threw a toy across the room. I swatted his behind, made him pick up the toy and still go downstairs to his mom. I alerted his mom to what had happened and suggested she monitor his behavior better. I also alerted the owner of the house as they are related and she was raising granddaughters who had been molested. I suggested strongly that he not be allowed to play with the girls unsupervised.
The boy is now 6 yrs old, and a few weeks ago, he was caught in bed, under the covers, dry humping his six year old cousin.(one of the grand daughters mentioned earlier). At first Mom didn't want to tell me what had happened, but I walked in on the tail end, so I knew something was going on and got her to tell me what. I stepped in and gave a very firm lecture to the boy, and as Im not really anything to the girls, I questioned the young girl where she learned that behavior, her immediate response was " my mother and my sisters" I talked to the girls about no one having the right to touch them or do things like that to them, and if someone did they were to tell an adult immediately. I also told them if mom or grandma wouldn't listen and do something about it or tried to brush it off to go to a teacher or even me and I would try to get them some help. the girls, though they seem to know no one has the right to touch them, were very nonchalant about the fact that they had been moslested by a grown man, or the fact that the youngest had been with another boy her age, a few weeks earlier, and then Mom of the boy tells me the oldest girl age 11, had made a 5 year old kiss her down there when she was only 7.
I gave a stern talk to the little boy,(i am his step grandmother)and told him, we didn't do those things, play that way, and I had best not catch or him of him doing those things again. That was stuff only adults that were married done. I also told his mom, I had best not find the children playing together again unsupervised. I went straight to my son and told him what had happened. He has forbidden her to babysit the girls again. The kids are not allowed to play together anymore. I still think this boy is acting out with dolls, as he quickly hides his action figures when I come into the room. He doesn't think I notice.
He is abusive to other children physically, has been known to cuss adults supervising him on the bus, is currently in his second year of kindergarten, is very friendly to people his mother met at work, he refers to totally unrelated people as aunt or uncle so and so,yet very standoffish with my son (his step father and myself).
We have had his hearing checked several times, the doctor says it is fine, yet even his mother has to raise her voice to get him to respond verbablly to her, most times he goes on as if he doesn't hear you.
I am very concerned for my granddaughter just an infant growing up in this house.
I don't want her to be abused and am fearful that this behavior is not being taken seriously enough. Matter of fact, I have been told, I had no right to talk to the girls, or to lecture the boy, that this is normal behavior amongst children and I am making too big a deal out of it. Right now, there are plenty people mad at me over this.

I'm beyond stumped. I just found out that my two sons are engaging is some very questionable behaviour. My 5 y.o just advised me that his older brother (11) makes him kiss his bum??!! the older sibling will lower his pants for his younger brother to do so, and sometimes fart in his face, what the hell do i do???? who do i turn to??? do i report my own child????

This is an excellent article and very helpful. It contains the information I was looking for to address an issue that has developed with my son at school.

I laugh at the list. They should get to know some of the children from my neighborhood(s). They didnt need to be sexually abused to do a lot of the things on the list. some were exposed to porn and others? just other kids. Youll be shocked at some children. oh, and alot was started by early masturbation )4,5..3..6..years old. but thats actually kinda common.Those kids were SO "bad"..lol.

I am the step-mother of a 10 year old boy. From the age of 4 he has had sexual "issues". I'm not really sure if these are issues I should be concerned with or if this is normal behavior. At the age of 4 he was found looking at Playboy magazines. He was found in his bio moms underwear and last summer he had my underwear hidden beneath his pillow. Also last summer he was masterbating in front of not only me, but while he was sitting next to his friend on the sofa. When told to stop his reply was "I just want to pop it".
This year not only has he down-loaded porn on my computer, he also stole his dad's porn (trust me, these were "suprise free gifts" with some "vitamins" his dad ordered online).
He also admits to listening to his dad and I have sex, I caught him once doing this.
I am afraid I might be overreacting, but my gut tells me I am not. This is causing huge issues between my husband and I. He see's these behaviours as normal, I see them as abnormal and as red flags. I feel it is up to us to seek out professional attention for our son, to prevent any future issues. He is on a waiting list to see a child psychologist.
He also has issues with stealing, lying, manipulative behaviour, the list goes on and on.

Sincerely,
Norma

I found my daughter lying beneath her friend (who is a girl)and their lips were locked like two adults. I am dumb founded. My daughter also has been known to masterbate, sometimes several times in a week. She is only eight years old and I am worried about these sexual acts. Could she have been abused? How do I explain that acts with other children are inappropriate? Should I seek counceling for her? Do I tell her friend's mother what they were doing?