Self-help Articles

I caught my 14 year old son "fingering" our female dog yesterday. He had an erection while doing this. My son has only lived with me for about a year. His mother was abusing him and the state placed him with me. He has been in counseling before dealing with the seperation issues from his mother. I have also noticed he has been looking up porn on the internet. He has not been looking at beastiality porn, but just typical man and woman porn. Everything I have read has said that the incident with the dog is not normal sexual behavior in an adolescent. I am concerned greatly and don't know how to approach this situation. I'm afraid that if I don't do something, that this could progress into him actually trying to have sex with animals. I have already told him to stay out of the back yard where our dog is. This situation has caused great concern with my wife and I. Both of us can't help but thinking about it, and the image of him doing this to the dog has scarred us. I am literally freaking out and don't know what to do. I spoke with his old counselor today, and she says to talk with him about it. But I'm not sure I can do that, this situation is just gross and wierd. Any help is appreciated.

Hello. When I was about 5-6 maybe 7 I was repeatdly touched by an older boy who was 10-12, I do not remember the ages exactly. I have felt rather negative emotions about this and I am not sure if due to his age it is not considered molestation, as if he were a few years older it would be. Thank you, and I seem to be experiancing the same symptoms that most survivors of sexual abuse experiance (low self-esteem, very uncomfortable around men, a lot of anger toward him, etc.)

Some of this behavior is normal kids do masturbate to explore their body parts and they should t be punished for it. Parents should tell then that it is something they do in private only but they should also tell then that they should not let anyone touch them or people tell them to touch them , etc. When I was 4 my babysitters son touched me and performed oral sex on me he covered my mouth and told me not to tell anyone or else everyone would hate me. I felt so ashamed and emabrassdd I knew this was wrong and I didn't like it. I could t tell my parents but I wish they were more open about sex later on was I older, I wouldn't have go e through the things I did and I'm still suffering. I can't trust people, I'm really shy and I go trough depression from time to time. Even if you ask your kid if anyone has touched them they can still lie like I did. So please parents if you suspect anything check for other signs and talk to them do not ignore it especially if you know something happened talking to them will help because they need to know someone is there for them.

When I was 6 my neighbor, who was also a female and 6 years old, found a porn magazine and tried most everything in it. And later my friend male, who was 8, we showed each other our parts. I love to rub against things and did so for years. And when I was about 12 my 15 yearold male cousin would hold me down and rub against me. I feel guilty some times that I liked it. And the way I really learned about sex was watching our farm animals (my mother never told me anything, she was very religious) I have been a little promiscuous through the years. I am now in my 44, but now that I look at society, promiscuity has increased to the point that I feel like a saint. I think what most of all of this is a curiousity, and because it feels good kids don't stop. And naturally anything you tell a kid not to do, that is exactly what they will do. But finding the point where abuse is in question can be really hard. Older performing acts on small children is not a curiousity. It is an act that they know is wrong. If a child is uncomfortable being around someone, then that is a sign. Or touching older kids or adults is a sign.
Be careful about how you discipline a kid about masturbating if caught. They will feel so ashamed and embarrassed that it could scar them, and possibly cause problems in later relationships. But because it does happen does not necessarily mean the child is going to become a deviant person

Ok I saw my 1 yr old daughter playing with my 4 month old sons penis. She contiud as she got older and i talked to her about it and she just said that she likes my sons penis and she said that she was putting it in her butt I explained to her that that was very very bad of her. After that i had put security cams in the house and my daughter still did that but rarely and was looking guilty about it I had talked to her about it a second time and she said that it felt good and i had told her that i had put some cameras in the house and that i could see everything she was doing she looed all embarresed and everthing and my daughter is currently 4 OMG she is doing it again I have to go

the best thing parents can do is put parental guidance on tvs and watch what they do and say around the children or in the presense of a child. parents should tell their children about sexual education so that they wont hear it from someone else that might tell them that certain things are okay when their not. if a child has acted in a way that is untolerable then the child should see a councelor with the parent to explain that certain things are wrong weither they saw it on the tv or saw a nother child do something.

I think the reason child-on-child sexual abuse isn't taken seriously is because there is no bad guy to demonize. The pedophile is seen as the modern satan. The media and ourselves made an image of the pedophile as the ultimate baddie. No five-year old fits that image of modern Satan, therefore we think he's not a pervert (so far, we're right) and therefore can't do harm (that's where we're wrong).

When I was five, my 12 year old brother masturbated in front of me and when I was ten, a cousin of the same age made me masturbate dead animals and touch myself while watching afterwards. Neither of them wanted to do harm, but both grew up in families where child abuse was virtually tolerated.

I can't believe some people here say we're just prudish religious folk who freak out for nothing. There may be no bad guy, but there is still pain.

I'm not asking people to teach children about "sin", but about "intimacy". That masturbation belong in the bedroom, that everyone is master of their own body. There's nothing religiously prude about that!

When I come to think about it, being (oh, horror!) disciplined, even too harshly, for something sexually-related would have caused me harm, but probably much less than what child-on-child sex abuse did. When your parents scold you for masturbating, you quickly understand you just need not to get caught and therefore, you do it where it belongs, in the intimacy. Child-on-child sexual abuse brings more complicated problems.

my son is 3 yrs old. He rubs his penis on any object he gets and the penis gets erected. I try to divert his attention but he continue it. I am really worried.

LEXI,
It does not matter if it is called abuse or experimentation. I can assure you what happened to you is way more common than what you think or what people admit. I recommend you find someone to talk about it with, because it seems like its putting stress on your life and to me that is abuse. I think if you talked to someone you would feel a lot better. I wish the best to you!
Momma C :)

found my 5year old son on top of his 2year old sister.both without pants.Cant seem to get wat l saw out of my head.l asked him where he cld ve seen et act but he cldnt say.am confused is this normal .and wat of my daughter will this affect her in any way.she is still her happy normal self

I have a 3 yr old son and i ofter catch him pulling on himself....i never knew what to think, according to the doctor it is quite normal..I don't really understand it and wondered how much is normal and when to draw the line??

I think more mindful study should go into the sexual experiences of children. For example, as a girl, I masturbated and thought about sex as much as what is "reported" that boys do. It is a social construction that boys masturbate more than girls. As well, if this occurs, it is most likely due to the sexual repression and expectation of girls, rather than any innate quality. Girls and women try to live up to this stereotype, as boys and men do too. So we should be careful about making stereotypical claims about sex difference.

"excessive sexual play with a same age or older child who has more sophisticated sexual knowledge"

are you serious? so children are not permitted to learn about sex from friends?

..oh sorry, not permitted 'excessive' learning. you drips. i give this article zero stars.

Hello,

For a long time I have been trying to understand child sexuality and trying to relate them to my own experiences.

I am realizing that as a child I was sexually active with female of 4-6 years of age,which now I consider as normal.

when i was a child of 5 years old, i performed cunnilingus on my neighborhood girl.she was also 5 years old. i did it while we were playing. now i feel guilt, whether i have done a wrong thing.

I guess if kids touch themselves at, for example, shower time, then that's ok and perfectly normal.

I think parents have to be very careful with an article like this, presuming that this is normal..growing up when sex was not pushed,yrs ago..small kids just didn't act like this..I believe that still to be true..there is a dumbing down of parents and kids are being pushed to act much older,something is very suspect about pushing kids sexually or not noticing something may be not quite right, question that,..keep them close, let them be children, babies..watch carefully, many people up to no good with your children, even to the point,looking as though they are educating you as parents. Careful, these are your babies..your children, don't let someone change them into something they are not,instinctively!..parents do not need this constant 'teaching thing'.. basics...instinctively is right or wrong..and parents instinctively know this, unless they have been brainwashed to believe otherwise..my opinion..2 grown kids of my own..no problems.

The other day I caught my 5 year old showing his privets to the 2 year old girl I babysit, When I asked him about it he said he wanted her to lick it but she didnt open her mouth, this is not normal, I feel sick about it and dont know what to do, I have talked to him and have asked him if he has ever seen anyone do this or if anyone has ever asked him to do this and the anwser was no....we dont watch movies like that and we dont have tv, where would this come from, should I be worried about my son being a pervert I am so stressed about this.

My 4yo daughter caught me masterbating while on phone to my fiance who was away for work at mo. I thought she was asleep for an hour or so. Got carried away and put my hand down my trausers. I was fully clothed, laying down on sofa, and i was making noises...

She called me from bedroom, and went rightaway to see her, her face was red and asked me what i was doing? I said i have a terrible back pain. I didnt see her comming to the fron room but she did and she saw me (dont know for how long as my eyes were closed) ran back to her bedroom and called for me.

This was maybe 6 weeks ago. A week or so after she started doing 'sexual' noises, in different situations....when playing, when out on her bike, when dancing and singing (no sexual poses etc). It might not be what i think it is but everytime i hear her i hear myself that night. Tonite while she was putting her pijamas on, and had no idea i was watching her she open her legs and was tapping or slapping her genitals, could not see very well. I let her know i could see her and she stopped. After she was in her pijamas when kissed her good night told her she has to behave like a pretty young girl not like an adult and that it was ugly, and that genitals are to touch after using toilet, when itchy and when having a bath, otherwise she could get an irritation and we will have to take her to doctors. Asked her if she wanted to tell me things and she said she will not do it again and didnt wanted to talk.

Over xmas she went to her dad's (we are separated) and she told me, that she told him smtg abt mommy moaning abt her back, and she said smtg like she doesnt believe it was my back or her dad said it was not my back. She also mentioned him i was on the phone to my fiance.

I am sick worried. I thought as she is so young she will forget abt it in a few weeks time. Me and my bf are very careful not to expose her to anything but the normal ( a kiss, not french, or holding hands etc).

I feel so guilty.

Im lost on what to do... my son had a sexual engagement with a friend about a yr ago, Both of the boys have not had any problems in this since then until now. Recently my son was with a sitter along with cousins that were close to his age. They introduced more sexual behavior to my son, and now my son and his lil friend (who is four) have had encounters again. when we approached the boys about this the 4yr old tells us that he has seen mommy and daddy doing such things and that "he likes" my son (2yrs old). They have gone beyond the point of experimenting and now we dont know what to do to stop our children from continuing these acts. or where they may have generated from. We have spanked the boys and done time out, have sat and discussed that it is wrong but we dont seem to be getting through to them. Today we discussed taking them to a therapist to try and work on the issue but Im not sure if this is the answer.
Any suggestions as to what I should do before they hurt eachother or take it to far? Separating the boys is not an option they have grown together since they were very young. babies. but our husbands are getting to the point where they believe that the behavior may lead to a life of homosexuality. Can you help me?

I am a clinical social worker working with distressed families in the community. I am having a challenging time with children playing with each others private parts (mostly the penis). I have a girl age 6 who is sucking her 3 y/0 brother's penis. I have a 5 y/o boy who is touchng his 3 y/o old brother's penis. When researching the DSM IV for a dx to work with there is none. I go on line to look for more information to work with and I found your article indicating that it is normal for small children to fondle. While that is true I do not think it is right to perform oral sex at 6 y/o.

I just found out that when my husband was 14 years old he tried to touch his neice who was 9 years old . She told me . It happened three times . He made up a story to get her to take off her clothes and she did . He just looked at her . Then the other two times he tried to put his hands in her pants . She claims he never really touched her though . But I dont know if that is true or not . He won't admit anything . I have a four month old child with this man . He is 22 years old now . I need help !

I have a almost 5 year old daughter, and when she was almost 4 she started touching herself. she would lay on her hand, or put something between her legs and move around. afterwards her face would be red, like she got something out of it.i have caught her on some occasions, and have popped her butt. i don't know what to do, or why she started in the first place.

I think this article will be helpful to some of you parents who do not know at what ages what sexual activity is normal.

http://nctsn.org/nctsn_assets/pdfs/caring/sexualdevelopmentandbehavior.p...

Our three year old son has recently started playing with his sisters barbie dolls. He lifts the Barbie's dress and places the doll on his erect penis. He will sit with the barbie on his penis for 5 minutes or so and then be done. He seems to do this two or three times a day. My wife and I have tried not to make a big deal out of this so as not to traumatize the boy. However we are confused by his behavior and are not sure if it is normal or if we are handling it properly.

I saw my 9 year old son kissing a dolls breasts. Is that normal behavior?

My 3 year old likes to play with her 4 year old friend looking at each other genitals and trying to introduce objects on each other. She also tries to introduce objects on her anus from some time now, now she did manage to indruduce a pencil on her anus. She was sick some weeks ago and when i try to introduce a supository she complained that it hurt, that was the 1st time she complained about having a supository...should i be worried about this new pain she feels on her anus, maybe looking for sexual abuse? Should i be worried about her introducing a pencil on her anus? Should i be worried about her friend and herself introducing objects on each others genitals? Or is all this normal? Her behaviour did not change she's still a very happy, active, communicative child. Thank you for clarifying me.

My partners son is showcasing behaviour that appears to be abnormal. He will run back and forth flicking his penis for 20 mins or more. He also sits on the lounge rubbing his penis. When he is in bed he humps the bed and makes noises. He is 6 years old. He also appears to have an obsession with breasts. He makes up games to play just so he can touch my breasts. All of this behaviour makes me uncomfortable and I don't know whether I should be concerned or not.

Hello,

For a long time I have been trying to understand child sexuality and trying to relate them to my own experiences.

Since last two or three years I am undergoing psychotherapy and self analysis to understand some of my other behaviors / mental issues.

I am realizing that as a child I was sexually active with peers of 4-6 years of age, both male and female, which now I consider as normal.

I also remember, I wanted to have my moms breast when I was 3-4 years of age, one night I saw my mom and dad in love making pose, and suddenly I came out of room pretending to have seen nothing.

The same night I asked mom that I want to have milk at midnight, whereas my intention was to have it from my
mom's breast. To which i was scolded and put to sleep, as it was past midnight.

It remained buried in my mind for decades, i recovered this in self-therapy.

Is this a sign of Oedipus-Complex as defined by Freud ?

During my self analysis, I recovered another of my sexual behavior as a child, when I was 11-13 years of age, I was living in a joint family and had two maternal aunts.

I remember fantasizing about one of aunts and i had a deep sexual attraction to her as she was very beautiful. After some time i started fantasizing about other aunt as well, also for some other grown up females like my school teachers who were not part of my home.

Is this normal for children of that age (11 - 14 years of age).

I also remember seeing my aunts bathing in bathroom through a slit in the bath door, or whenever I would get any opportunity to see them changing.

Once again was it normal for me as a child to do this.

Why is it that now I feel bad about it and wish it hadn't happened.

I was analyzing self as I have a long history of depression and other mental issues. I have overcome my depression to a great extent.

Why is it happening that the above behavior is always at the back of my mind, whatever i may be doing ?

Any ideas on this.

Also after 14-15 years of age, I was a normal boy like any other.

Sincerely,
Joy. (Male, 32 years, India)

I m a mum for a 5 years old son . since 4 years he started to move his lower part while seated on a chair without stoppin to the extent he turned sweat and red. his collegues at school notice as well as his teachers whom they keep saying this is an unacceptable behavouir in school . i don t know what to do???????????????

Children explore as soon as they realize all the segments of their own body. Sexuality is not filthy or wrong. This is a religious idea. Of course no one should be hurt or forced to do anything against their will. But when certain things happen, we have to look at them as they really are. A boy rubbing his peppe on another child is not a sex predator. He is simply curious. If you mind such behavior give him guidance. And you should all ask yourself would this happen if you cared about his sex education in the first place. And that isn't telling the child "don't do it". But explaining to him cause and consequences of sexual acts. I DO NOT BLAME ANY CHILD FOR DOING WRONG. I blame the parents. Cause they are trying to impose adult rules and fears on children who do not understand such world. Reading this list I found myself thinking how all the people I know are actually sex offenders. I am. My brother is. My boyfriend is. My friends are. My mother is. Scary stuff. But at the end all of us are free to have our own opinions. And if you believe it is moral to tell your children that sexuality is when you grow up and have babies, be free to do so.

Be well.

http://askdrrobert.dr-robert.com/childhood%20sexuality.html