Self-help Articles

by Carolyn Bates

A year ago, my sister, ten years younger than me, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Our journey, together, inspired and created this two part series. Below are some common sense applications for being a sensitive caregiver dealing with a serious diagnosis. Caregiver jobs are rarely easy, but they can be easier if done wisely.
To find Part I of this article, click here

9.) Watch out for major anxiety or depression. Too much = crying, sleeping, general sadness or anger, compulsive behavior, like eating or drinking to excess = these are some of the most obvious signs. Research these negative emotional states or talk to your physician. Be concerned and observant, not only for the patient, but also for yourself and anyone very close to the situation.

10.) Make sure the patient has someone to go into the examining or treatment room with them. It’s very difficult keeping your emotions in check, while you are dealing with a major physical issue, so trying to remember what the doctor said or keeping notes is virtually impossible. Often, the patient also needs an advocate to ask difficult questions or to even get a second opinion. It’s helpful to have one notebook that has all of the physician and medical facilities addresses, contact information and specialties listed. It’s helpful, also, to have insurance policy numbers, Medicare information, nursing agencies, companies that rent medical equipment, emergency contacts and friends who can be called at the last minute to help. Some of this information might be duplicated for whoever is accompanying the patient to appointments; two copies are good.

11.) Try to help the patient keep scars and physical reactions to treatment in perspective. Hair will grow back, wounds are just signs of the life they have lead. It’s what is in a person’s heart that really matters. It’s laughter, memories for today and those to come; close family and friends that give you life and are what are important in the long run. Youth and perfection are always going to be fleeting; work on the life you have today.

12.) What are some simple treats that you can keep on hand? For cancer chemotherapy patients, they are often left with a metallic taste in their mouths, so some hard candies are great to have available. Who doesn’t like a treat, especially when they’ve been “good” at the doctor’s office. One of my clients kept a “star chart”, like we had in elementary school, to remind him of each appointment he had kept, each therapy session he had completed, every goal he had accomplished. This was symbolic of the road he was on and just how far he had come. What visual of accomplishment could you create?

13.) Everyone needs to pay particular attention to “self care” while dealing with a major physical issue. Not just the patient, but everyone helping also. It’s often hard enough to take the time to get a massage, take a nap, read during some quiet time or exercise, but under abnormal stress, this is even more crucial. What a better way to calm down, get a new perspective or to build up some emotional and physical strength than to take a 20 min. walk or swim. Fifteen minutes with your head on a pillow can do wonders! How about a “power nap”? One of my clients used to like to set an egg timer for ten minutes and lay down on the floor of his office. This way he could have total relaxation and know that he didn’t have to keep looking at the clock.

14.) Take a “surprise” trip. Going to a beautiful place, even if it is just to the park, a museum or a nearby town is a wonderful way to just “get away” from the telephone, the smells of being sick, the same environment. Even better, revisit places once loved or that have a great memory. Go to a new place that has been on the list to see – an adventure. Even if you make plans and something happens at the last minute, it’s still better to dream and to look forward to the possibility. Change of latitude, change of attitude!!! Absolutely!!

15.) Try to think of lots of ways to laugh. MD Anderson cancer treatment center uses laughter as a regular therapy treatment – it’s been a proven healer because of its positive hormonal release. Rent movies, read funny books, watch old family videos, if nothing else go to a park and watch some little children – they can always make you laugh!!

16.) Be sure to celebrate all of the milestones and accomplishments along the journey of a serious diagnosis and treatment. Whether it is taking a first step or reaching another level in physical therapy, finishing a round of chemo, a new sprout of hair, getting rid of a brace - have a party, go out for a special dinner, buy something new to wear. There can always be an excuse to rejoice.

• LIVE
• LAUGH
• LOVE
• BE THERE 
• BE PATIENT
• COMMUNICATE
• REACH FROM THE HEART

About the Author:

Carolyn Bates is the principle life coach and owner of Coaching Life Design, which specializes in successful life transitions and retirement for those 50 plus years of age.  She has a BS from The University of Texas and is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Certified Personal Life Coach, author of eight books, focusing on the challenges of growing older, changing careers, choosing how and where to retire, health issues of aging, caregiving, elderly parents, adult children, divorce after 50 and death.  Additionally, Coaching Life Design writes a monthly newsletter, has an interactive website, and offers group workshops and teleseminars continually focusing on the challenges of creating the life you want. 

For more information, please visit her website at www.coachinglifedesign.com