Self-help Articles

by Patricia Pitta, Ph.D., A.B.P.P.

Well, it looks like you have given you lover every opportunity to work through her problems which interfered with her committing to marry and have a family. Six years is more than ample time. A good question to ask yourself is why you hung in so long?

Is this a problem of yours that you get attracted to people who can't commit. Does this give you an excuse so you don't have to face going to the next level of commitment of having a family?

Take some time now to heal, surround yourself with place and people that enable you to be calm and feel nurtured. Expect to feel sad, depressed and lonely.

Eventually, as you work through your feelings, you might become angry and enraged. Also through this process you might realize your part in the continuation of the non-marriage relationship and how you pick and stay with such a person who disappoints and frustrates you.

Through this process you can make necessary changes within yourself that will make breaking up with your lover a positive experience. You can make room within your heart for a new life and relationship.

About the Author:

Dr. Patricia Pitta is a clinical psychologist practicing in Manhasset, New York, for more than 20 years. She is a Diplomat in Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association and an Approved Supervisor of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Pitta is also the President of the Long Island Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.

She has created a treatment modality that enables the partners to accept responsibility for their parts in relationship problems leading to resolution of issues without getting stuck in blame. She encourages self growth which enhances couple growth and family development.