SelfhelpMagazine

by Kelly B. Cartwright, Ph.D.

The first article in this series highlighted characteristics of the most effective ways of interacting with children. Research on caregiving and discipline shows that a critical difference between effective and ineffective behavior management involves communicating expectations. This article will focus on specific areas for improving communication with children to promote more effective behavior management.

Effective Communication is Effective Behavior Management

A key to effective behavior management is planning beforehand to prevent behavior problems. Adults need to clearly define their expectations for children at the outset. Establishing routines or specific procedures for certain behaviors, such as doing homework or getting ready for bed, will help children remember expected actions.

In addition, making a set of rules about desired or forbidden behaviors will aid in informing children of adults' expectations. Keep children's developmental level in mind. Do not expect more than children are capable of performing or overwhelm them with long lists of rules. Research with elementary school students suggests the following four general rules:

1. be polite and helpful,
2. respect other people's property,
3. listen quietly while others are speaking, and
4. do not hit, shove, or hurt others.

Effective Communication is Cooperative

The American Heritage Dictionary defines communication as an interchange. Effective communication, whether with children or adults, is exactly that. It is cooperative. Rather than just dictating wishes to children or demanding things from them, effective caregivers talk with children.

One specific way to ensure that communication is a two-way street is to allow children to participate in decisions about behavior management. For example, when assigning household chores or making rules, ask children for suggestions. Children will be more motivated to complete tasks or obey rules if they have participated in choosing them.

Effective Communication Conforms to Children's Cognitive Level

In order for children to comply with your expectations, they must understand what you want them to do. A major factor that affects children's understanding is their level of cognitive development.

Concrete

Until they reach adolescence, children are very concrete in the way that they think. They have difficulty understanding abstract concepts. Thus, adults should use concrete examples to make expectations more clear. For example, if an adult says "be nice to others," children may not understand how to apply this expectation to everyday situations. Adults could aid children's understanding by saying, for example, that being nice means keeping your hands to yourself, not taking things from others, or saying please and thank you when playing with other children's toys.

Capacity

Children are also limited in the amount of information that they can consider at one time. They can be overwhelmed easily if you request or expect too much at once. Remember, what seems very simple to an adult may be quite complex for a child. When you tell a child to "go clean your room," you may find that the child doesn't even know where to begin. However, if you break the job down into concrete, manageable steps -- "first pick up your blocks, then pick up your dirty clothes and put them into the hamper" -- the child will have an easier time tackling the task.

Because they are concrete thinkers, children may even need to see a behavior or procedure before they understand it well enough to perform it on their own. Demonstrating a routine for "room cleaning" (with the child's help, of course) will help your child learn desired behaviors in a positive, cooperative environment.

Cues

Because of their limited memory capacities, children may also need visible cues to remind them of appropriate behavior. A sign or chart posted on the bathroom mirror, for example, may serve as a cue for brushing teeth or picking up dirty clothes.

For young children especially, pictures may be more potent reminders than printed signs. In addition, a signal such as a "dinner bell" can remind children to wash their hands prior to mealtime. Like adults, children need reminders to establish healthy habits, and they get a positive sense of accomplishment when completing an assigned task on their own.

Effective Communication is Complete

Finally, effective behavior management involves communicating reasons for expected behaviors. Rather than just telling children what you expect, tell them WHY the expected behavior is important. For example, when asking children to pick up their toys, explain that someone may trip over the toys and get hurt or that the toys may be stepped on and broken.

Remember, the root of the word "discipline" means teaching, and "because I said so" is not especially instructive! Although this might seem to require a little extra effort, it is well worth the energy. When we give children reasonable explanations for expected behaviors, children are more likely to internalize the reasons and behave appropriately in the future.

The next article in this series, Part III, will focus on another feature that is essential to effective behavior management: consequences of children's behavior.

Back to Part 1

References:

Bandura, A. (1986). Social foundations of thought and action. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.

Baumrind, D., & Black, A. E. (1967). Socialization practices associated with dimensions of competence in preschool boys and girls. Child Development, 38, 291-327.

Evertson, C. M., Emmer, E. T., Clements, B. S., & Worsham, M. E. (1997). Classroom management for elementary teachers (4th ed.). Boston: Allyn & Bacon.

Hoffman, M. L. (1975). Moral internalization, parental power, and the nature of parent-child interaction. Developmental Psychology, 11, 228-239.

Holden, G. W., & West, M. J. (1989). Proximate regulation by mothers: A demonstration of how differing styles affect young children's behavior. Child Development, 60, 64-69.

Piaget, J. (1969). The psychology of the child (H. Weaver, Trans.). New York: Basic Books.

About the Author:

Specializing in child development, Kelly B. Cartwright, Ph.D., is a full-time faculty member in the Psychology Department at Christopher Newport University in Newport News, VA. Dr. Cartwright's research has focused on cognitive development, language, literacy, and gender issues.