SelfhelpMagazine

by LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW

During your first year of life I will try to . . .

• make myself emotionally available to you so you can experience intimacy.
• nurture and preserve the attachment between us to prepare you for secure relationships the rest of your life.
• make you feel secure and cared for so you will trust others.
• ensure your safety and protection so you will know that you can rely on me to take care of you.
• meet your physical needs consistently so you can enjoy your childhood.
• reinforce your worth as an individual so you will value yourself.
• talk to you so you will value communication.

During your early childhood I will try to . . .

• teach you what is right so you will grow up to be of good character.
• set clear boundaries so you will have a clear understanding of your own boundaries.
• expose you to new things so you will learn tolerance and resist stereotypes.
• encourage you to try new things so you will not be afraid to explore and learn things unknown.
• model perseverance so you will know the importance of not giving up.
• provide you with structure so you learn the importance of routines and reliability.
• teach you to make choices and solve problems so you will become an independent thinker.
• discipline you as needed so you will learn self control.
• interact with others in an appropriate manner so you learn good interpersonal skills.
• treat you fairly so you will treat others with fairness.
• teach you moderation so you can avoid over indulgence.
• show you how to share with others so you will be a giver in life.
• respect you so you will respect yourself, others, your belongings and the environment.
• foster autonomy so you will learn to be interdependent.
  encourage spontaneity without impulsiveness.
• interact positively with the people I know and meet so you will learn to relate to others in a positive manner.
• reinforce the importance of caring and empathy by caring for and showing empathy toward everyone.

During your middle childhood I will try to . . .

• teach you new skills so you will master your surroundings and develop self confidence.
• foster your creativity so you will learn to express yourself.
• encourage you to always try your best so you will have a sense of pride.
• help you accept your strengths and weaknesses so you will forgive yourself and others when you fall short.
• model kindness and service toward others so you will learn to be a good citizen and neighbor.
• manage my time and uphold appropriate priorities so you will
• learn to live a balanced, principled life.
• correct you as needed so you learn self discipline.
• learn from my failures so you will know that failure is an opportunity to grow.
• think things through and process those related to your well being with you so you will learn to process things and think critically.
• give you the information you need to make informed choices and allow you to learn from the consequences of your actions.
• honor diversity so you will learn acceptance and tolerance.
• teach you to accept and love your body as it is so you will value yourself as a unique individual.
• model flexibility so you will learn to adapt to change.
• encourage you to express your disappointment and grieve your losses.

During your preteen years I will try to . . .

• value you as a multi dimensional person so you will see the many aspects that make you unique.
• encourage you to express your feelings honestly by talking about my feelings openly when appropriate.
• set an example of healthy relationships with peers and partners so you will learn to relate well to others.
• teach you responsible behavior that preserves your self esteem and promotes your health and safety.
• help you learn to care for the changing physical needs of your body.
• teach you about your sexuality so you will see yourself as a whole person with natural, healthy sexual instincts.

During your teen years I will try to . . .

• offer guidance without dominance so you can practice decision making.
• respect your decisions so you can learn from them.
• support your rights without taking away the responsibility of your actions.
• monitor your choices to teach you to self assess.
• foster independence without completely letting go.
• allow mutual dependence without dependency.
• validate your feelings without questioning them.
• encourage your individuality so you can reach your full potential.
• trust your judgment knowing that I have taught you well.

About the Author:

LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW is the author of "Growing up Sane (in uncertain times)", Seminar Leader Growing Well Adjusted Kids, Editor-in-Chief Person to Person: Strengthening Youth & Families, and Telephone Counselor: Affinity Counseling Center