Self-help Articles

by Raymond Novaco, Ph.D.

An anger problem is not only caused by something outside of you, such as a provocative event, but rather, anger can be caused by angry thoughts about that event. Sometimes in fact, anger thoughts about a past event can recreate that provocations in our mind, making us mad all over again.

Learning how to control anger often starts with understanding how your angry thoughts control you. Getting a hold of those angry thoughts is one of the most effective and long-lasting anger techniques. Getting that point of control most often hinges on accepting that the same situation can mean different things to different people. How does that work?

Some people are said to be more "sensitive" than others in how they react. Similarly, we often think of people as having certain "dispositions" or "temperaments." Italians and some Latinos are said to have hot tempers, while Scandinavians are seen as cool-headed, and Polynesians are known for being very mild mannered and cheerful.

It is commonly believed that these “dispositions" are ingrained, permanent characteristics. However, this is not fully the case. Science has shown us that these dispositions largely consist of particular styles of thinking, feeling, and behaving that have been learned, both individually and culturally. The good news is that while it can be challenging to change learned habits, old styles of reacting to provocation can indeed be changed -- and people do so every day.

How you think about the circumstances that you face determines how you experience them and whether or not you become angry. This refers to your perceptions of and beliefs about the events that happen -- that is, what they mean to you. What goes on in your head determines what you see or hear, how you feel, how you act, and how you continue to feel. What goes on in your head has four key elements for anger: (a) attentional focus, (b) expectations, (c) appraisals, and (d) self-statements.

To start with, you should realize that you get angry about things that you pay attention to. This does not mean that the remedy for anger is to not pay attention to anything that goes wrong. It means that to a large degree, anger is a matter of attentional focus. By learning how to shift your attention away from things that do not really matter you can avoid anger that is unnecessary or unproductive. And when you are angry about something that does matter, you can control your anger and your behavior by shifting your attentional focus away from personal, ego-centered matters to objective, problem-focused matters. This involves learning how to be "task-oriented", which will be explained fully in our other anger articles.

Your expectations about the way things should be or ought to be can also lead to anger. When expectations of yourself or others are set very high or are unrealistic, you set yourself up for anger experiences. Unrealistic expectations result in more things being perceived as unsatisfactory, and this can lead to irritation with oneself and other people. High expectations are linked to high standards, and that is a positive characteristic. There is nothing wrong with having high standards for yourself and others. The important thing is that your expectations be realistic and flexible, which means that you must learn to adjust your expectations according to the situation.

A second way that expectations lead to anger is when you expect negative things to happen, creating a kind of mental set for provocation. This is a form of "looking for trouble" -- i.e., when you are mentally geared for someone to say or do something unpleasant, certain aspects of their behavior stick out and register in your mind more quickly. This may also involve your not recognizing other aspects of their behavior that are neutral or even positive or your failing to consider whether the upsetting things are at all relevant to your needs in the situation.

In addition to attentional focus and expectations, there is a third element of thinking that influences anger. This is appraisal, which is another word for judgment, meaning, or interpretation. It is not the event itself that makes you angry, it's what the event means to you. How you appraise or interpret what happens determines whether or not you get angry. A frequent cause of anger is being too quick to "take it personally" when something unpleasant happens. For example, if you are waiting for service, you might think that you are personally being ignored or slighted; or, if you have been disappointed in not getting something that you wanted, you might think that someone was out to get you and was being deliberately mean to you. When appraisals are rigid and inflexible (“black-and-white” thinking), anger is a likely result. Learning how to see things from alternative viewpoints is a central part of anger control.

A fourth important way that thinking affects how we feel is through the things that we say to ourselves. Our internal conversations or “private speech” is an expression of our thoughts. The statements that we make to ourselves often precede, accompany, or follow our emotional experiences. During anger incidents our self-statements play an important part in defining and shaping the emotion. For example, "I'm going to tell that bastard just where he can stick it!" or "That's it, I've had it!" or "Every time I see her it's the same old b.s.!" or “Why doesn't she just get off my back!” are self-statements that not only add fuel to the fire, they have a major role in prolonging anger after an incident is over. Anger is often recreated and inflamed by our private speech. Alternatively, as you will see later, self-statements as self-instructions can be a valuable means of regulating anger and guiding your behavior in conflict situations.

Each of these four aspects of thinking (attentional focus, expectations, appraisals, and self-statements) is readily under your control. Once it has been determined how your anger is linked to each of these areas, changes can be made in the way that you think, so as to minimize problems with anger and help you cope more effectively.

About the Author

Raymond W. Novaco, Ph.D., pioneered cognitive-behavioral therapy for anger, coining the term “anger management”, and demonstrated the effectiveness of his treatment approach in empirically-based clinical research. He received the Best Contribution Award from the International Society for Research on Aggression (1978), the Distinguished Contributions to Psychology Award from the California Psychological Association (2000), and the Academic Award from the Division of Forensic Psychology of the British Psychological Society (2009). Dr. Novaco is a professor of psychology in the Department of Psychology and Social Behavior, University of California, Irvine.