Self-help Articles

by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

You are indeed a lucky woman to have two "exceptional" people in your life. Let's take a look at what we've got here. On the one hand, there is the familiarity of the first man and the fact that you have four years invested in the relationship.

The issue of keeping the romance in a long term relationship is not an uncommon, especially among women. It can be worked out in a variety of ways if both parties are committed to making it happen.

Even long-time married people have found that having at least one night each week set aside for "date night," with each party alternately taking responsibility for the date, can be quite a boost to the relationship.

Advice on relationships that are long distance

However, this does not deal with the issue of the long distance between the two of you. Not unless and until you are both certain about wanting to make more of a commitment, one of you moving would be inadvisable.

With the second interest, you have convenience instead of comfort. But this relationship is still new. So it's premature to make a decision, though he clearly has the inside track because he is local.

My question to you is, why do you feel compelled to have to make this decision now? Perhaps you could explore both relationships and allow your feelings determine the direction you should go. So long as both men meet your criteria for a mate, you could enjoy the company of both of them.

Trust that you will know which one -- if either -- you would prefer to have become a more permanent part of your life. My advice for relationships of this type is to continue dating until a clear decision can be made by you.

About the Author:

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.