SelfhelpMagazine

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

There could be a number of reasons why your son is having some difficulty. Let's assume, though, that his difficulty is not connected to something like a disabling depression or phobia. Let's assume that he is simply afraid.

More and more we are seeing young adults caught in the grip of fear about creating their own lives. As such, it becomes more common for young adults to be living at home into their late twenties and thirties. In part, this seems to be due to increasing emphasis we put on productivity as the primary source for good self-esteem. In part, too, there is a spiritual issue at work here. Your son hopefully is intent on making his life meaningful. Perhaps he fears failure in some manner, afraid that whatever he undertakes will ultimately have no impact.

It's good that he's working with a therapist. If stress builds up between the two of you, you might also consider consultation with a family therapist who can perhaps help you both explore the reasons behind his difficulty in leaving home.

As far as putting deadlines on him, I'd say that depends upon the effort you see him putting out to resolve the situation. Tough love is usually easier said than done but can have some impact. Keep in mind that the goal is to help your son leave home successfully. That may require a balance of patience and toughness.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.