How to Cope with a Hospitalized, Angry, Abusive Father

By Emily Carton, MA, LISW

My father has had a series of medical problems and is in the hospital for a heart attack. He is very angry, saying mean things to my mother, wants to go home, and everyone is having trouble coping. Any suggestions?

It is important to look at this situation from both sides. First, your father is suffering a great deal from the loss of his health and the helplessness that comes with being hospitalized. Hospitalization is especially difficult and more confusing the older you become.

Anesthesia can cause a dramatic emotional change. His anger and depression is also a normal response to his situation. The question is the degree to which his emotions swing and the duration of them. That will determine if intervention is necessary or if this is a transient period.

Your mother is suffering from the verbal abuse but it is probably not aimed directly at her -- the closest family members are usually the recipients.

Discuss the situation with your father's physicians. You can always request a social work or psychiatric consult to assess this change in his mood. Make sure your mother has someone to contact and to talk with. She can also request to have a meeting with a social worker at the hospital to help her with her concerns.

Both parents need to have their feelings acknowledged and validated. Your father needs to know that you understand his anger. Your mother needs to know that she is in a difficult situation and should find support for herself.

Discuss with your physicians the medications that your father is taking. Can any of these cause emotional changes? Is it only the family member who your father is mistreating or is it the staff as well? Elicit the help of the hospital staff to assess the situation both physically and medically to see what might be physiological and what is psychological. From there, a decision can be made if more serious intervention needs to be made.